These Children...

Not sure where all my blog inspiration is coming from. Let's just say it is making up for the two weeks I left you hanging and my finally being able to process some of what I am feeling. 

These Children never cease to amaze me. Every day I spend with them I learn new things. The Lord is continually breaking my heart over the pandemic of poverty here and all that comes with it, but he is also continually showing me his goodness. People always talk about the joy that they see in the faces of the people here. I still can’t quite understand it all but I think I’m learning a little bit. Here, it is the little things that make you happy. It is those few vegetables that were added to your daily portion of posho and beans. It is the new volleyball net that got put up so the kids have something to play with. Its that extra sheet of construction paper the teacher hands them and says they can draw what they want. It is the little things to us, but here these are big things. So much of the happiness I see around me comes from a heart of thankfulness. 

What do these people have to be thankful for? These children are in school, while most of their brothers and sisters are at home because they didn’t get chosen to go to school by Mom and Dad, if they even have a Mom and Dad. These children have food every day while many go to bed hungry. These children have a soccer ball to play with that many children here only dream of getting to play with. 

In our eyes these children would still seem to have so little. They still have numerous holes in their clothes that means the girls have to wear sweaters in the hot of the day so their stomachs don’t show. They still don’t get any variety in food or all the nutrients they need and most never have family to come visit them. They still have to take off their shoes when they want to play a game because they only have one pair and they are already broken.They still have families who need so much back home that they have no way of helping. If they were allowed, I’m sure many of them would take their own plates of food back to their brothers and sisters just to make sure they were eating too. They still have “needs” in our eyes. 

In their eyes though they have been given all they could ever need. I fully believe that is because many of them have understood Paul’s heart in Philippians 4:10-14. Paul is speaking with the Church of Philippi and thanking them for their kindness in being concerned with his needs, but trying to explain he is content and in need of nothing. “How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength. Even so you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.”

Yesterday morning I was sitting in my bed in the morning, begging God to show me what I could do. I felt hopeless. I felt like there was too huge a need for me to be able to do anything. I had read the stories of my primary six class the night before. I asked them to write their stories for me about their life before they came to HUMBLE school. I wanted to know them. I figured most of them probably just had parents who didn’t have a lot of money and couldn’t afford school. Most of them probably had parents back home who loved them and had brothers and sisters who got the opportunity to study at school too. This was wishful thinking on my part. This was my wanting to not think about everything these kids, that I try to love every day, have experienced. I sat there on my bed the night before, reading story after story with tears on my cheeks. One of my sweet, sweet girls wrote of the Sunday that some people came to choose two children from her church to be in the Hope for Africa Children’s choir. Here are her words “I was in Sunday at Trinity United Methodist Church. It was a Sunday when visitors came to our church and they wanted children who didn’t have their parents. We were many children who didn’t have parents. Then, they called us. They told us to sing for them, every person one song. Then I sang. They wanted to pick the best two singers. By God’s will I was first person to be picked to be in the Hope for Africa Children’s Choir.” She was picked. She was picked out of her brothers and sisters and countless other children. This gave her the opportunity to come to the United States and sing and raise money and get to go to school when she returned. Now she doesn’t go to bed hungry every night but has food every day. Now she will be able to make a better life for herself because she gets to study at school. Now she is given medicine when she gets Malaria so it doesn’t lead to death. 

I know my words were harsh two blogs ago. I know they seemed pretty severe. I hope, though, that you are starting to understand why. Everyday I get the huge blessing to get to know these children. These children who have relied on God for probably more than I ever will have to in my life. These children who, every Thursday, fast for their school, their families, and their communities, praying that one day God will let their brothers and sisters go to school. One day, their families won’t go to bed hungry, or die from Malaria because they can’t pay for the medicine. These children who have learned to live with little or much. These children who have learned to live with an empty stomach or a full one. These children who I played net ball with yesterday and cheered me on as I tried to play barefoot. These children who laugh with me every day as we watch the Baby class go running by screaming “techwer Ashwee”. These children who are so thankful for everything they have and so believing the Lord to provide what they don’t. 

So yesterday I went to school and I learned from them. I learned that there are bad things in this life but many, many good things too. This coming from many who have lost countless family members. I learned that nothing is hopeless because God showed his grace to them, why can’t he do the same for others. They reminded me that no matter how big the problem, our God is bigger. So today I still cry when I think of everything they have experienced. I still hope and pray that I can help to sponsor some of them to continue on to secondary school. I now have been reminded though that no matter where we find ourselves in life, with much or little, we can be joyful. We can know that we have everything we need because we have Christ. We have life because of Christ. We have the love of the Father constantly displayed to us everyday because of Christ. So, I can rest assured that though I know all the ways I would want to love each and everyone of them, they do have their most important need met. So please pray for the hard days for me. The days when I just want to stay in bed because I can’t bear to think about all of the other children who go to bed hungry right next door to me. Pray for me to be reminded that my God is big enough. Pray for me to be reminded that I am serving a purpose here and every hug, every smile, every scripture, every piece of knowledge, though it might not change Uganda’s poverty and amount of orphans, is at least making a difference in the lives of one. But more than praying for me, I hope that you are praying for them and their families, communities and HUMBLE school. 

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

I know that most of my blogs have been pretty serious and I don’t want there to me any mistaking it. Africa is also completely full of laughter and joy. Literally I come home every day with a new story that has Natalee and me on the floor laughing as we retell what has happened. Here are some of the funny moments, the joyful moments, the loveliness of Uganda and it’s culture. These are the moments that make the hard ones worth it. 

Mom, this one is for you. “Sorry.” People say sorry here like it’s going out of style. You fall and scrape your knee, “oh, sorry, sorry!” Not just from one person but from everyone. Which means I fit in perfectly! Back home, I have been known to over use this word occasionally... Haha but here I can say it all I want and I absolutely love hearing all the children saying it in their little Ugandan accents. 

Another thing they say that confuses me every time. “Ok, please.” When they are answering any question instead of just saying “ok” or “yes” they say “ok, please.” Even when its not necessary. For example, our driver, Samuel uses it quite often. When we ask if he can come pick us up at 8 in the morning, instead of saying yes, he says “ok, please.” Throws me off every time. I’m starting to get use to it but still have some adjusting to make. 

And lets talk about how the teachers get the children to listen. In America this would be considered horrible but you have to understand Africa is different and these children are different. A stern “no” simply does not work so they instead use rasher methods. The other day a child in the baby class bit his friend. His friend then proceeded to wail and cry and tell the teacher what happened. As he points out who did it, the teacher tells the child who bit him that she is calling the police because he was a bad child. She proceeds to pick up her phone and pretend to be on the phone with the police telling them about what he did. The whole time he is crying and saying he will never bite his friend again. (Of course he bites him a few minutes later). There is also the more common phrase to make sure the kids know they are doing something wrong. “You are bad children, I hate you. You are not my friend,” or one of my favorites and if you understood what the bathrooms at HUMBLE look like you would understand why this one works so well “you are bad children, if you don’t stop you will sleep on the bathroom floor tonight!.” Every time I literally have to turn my face away to hide my laughter. You also have to know these students know this teacher loves them. She actually is one of the favorites. She tells them everyday that she loves them and if they want to go to the University they just have to try. Now this doesn’t seem like a big deal in America but most students never go to High School, a lot not even elementary school, so making it all the way to the University is a big deal. She teaches them to dream which is probably one of the best qualities a teacher can have and she also gets them to listen. 

Another funny moment. I tried teaching the baby class and top class (3-5 year olds) how to play duck, duck, goose, only instead of calling it that I tried to think of something they would know so I made it goat, goat, cow. Communication, especially with the younger children is really difficult. There is a lot that gets lost in translation. So this game of duck, duck, goose went a little like this. “Goat, goat, goat, goat, goat, cow, cow, cow.” Then children would start chasing that one child, not around the circle but around the school, until finally they would just come find any seat in the circle and sit down smiling triumphantly even though they had been tagged 4 times! With there short little legs and big toothy smiles, it was probably one of my favorite moments. The children loved it too!

Or how about today I’m sitting trying to take care of one of the little girls who was sick. She is sitting in my lap and pretty much asleep at this point, when all of a sudden she gets sick. Not on the floor, not in the trash can, but all over me and my white shirt. Thank the Lord for giving me the grace to not loose my own lunch. So one of the older girls just took me to the bathroom and helped me wash my shirt. Problem solved. The only thing there was to do was laugh. Definitely a moment when you wish you had a change of clothes.

Laughing is just a part of my everyday life here. Laughing when the children run away from the chameleon because they have been told by everyone their whole life that it is poisonous and will kill you. Laughing as they pretend to stick a bug down their friends shirt when really its just grass. Laughing as they make funny faces at me so I can take a picture. Laughing as I stand in front of the class teaching only to realize I’ve been talking to fast and they missed every word. Laughing as the teacher makes me sing a song to teach the kids how to draw it goes like this and yes I’m aware it makes no sense “Shading, shading is in my head. Shading, shading is in my head. Shading, shading is in my head I want to get to UNIVERSITY!” 

There is so much joy to be found here. So many moments that bring laughter and smiles. Even though there are a lot of hard days and some days when I just feel like it is hopeless the good really does out weigh the bad. The smiles really do shine brighter than the frowns and the laughter really does ring louder than the  crying. Everyday has a little of both. Everyday brings something new for the Lord to break my heart for and also for him to bring me joy from. 

Thankful for another day of getting to laugh and cry. Another day of learning the Lord’s heart and discovering that in this life he both laughs with us and cries with us. I’m thankful that I’m learning both of these in a much deeper way than I have ever known before. 

"Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!" Nehemiah 8:10

P.S. Sorry for the grammatical errors. Just wanted to make sure I got all of this one down for you.  

To whom much is given

         Sorry to all for the delay in my blogs. I've been extremely busy and when I'm not, I normally am trying to rest. I finally got the chance to write down some of my thoughts today on our way to Kampala. All of these thoughts are kind of a mix of what I have been feeling more strongly since coming here.
       Life here is a little bit different than home, but it is still life. I still have good days and bad days. Not every day is a day I'm super excited about getting up and going. Not everyday is a day I feel like staying in Africa for another two months. I wasn't magically cured of my laziness or selfishness in a few weeks. These feelings, though they may not seem good, are actually producing much fruit because I'm learning more than ever before that when I am weak, he is strong. When I fall short, he makes the difference. When I'm weary he is my rest. I'm learning to rely on him in a whole new way.
       For example, (some of you may already know this but just to catch every one up to speed) one of the other interns is no longer here in Uganda with us. She decided after feeling a call to go home to the United States to leave us just a short 6 days after we arrived. Now, the work at the school that was meant to be split three ways, is being split two. Now, the community in the house has gone from a balanced three, two a questionable two. Now, while I had made all of these plans, the Lord is showing me he was making his own. All this to say, I'm so glad that Kelsey followed the Lord's call to go home because in doing so she not only followed his calling, but she allowed him to grow me in new ways. She allowed him to show me a little bit more of what it looks like to put my trust in him.
      Or what about just last Saturday. I had a very important conversation I wanted to have with a friend. It was the only time we would be able to talk for another month. The unfortunate part was that the power had been out for about two days and as a result my computer had almost no battery left. It was 7:30 and we were suppose to skype at 8, so I did what I so rarely have to do in the states. I prayed for the Lord to turn the power on at 8 o'clock. Rarely do I have to rely on him for these types of things back home. I just go and do because I can and usually without little thought to what a blessing it is that I have been given. So guess what happened. At 8 o'clock the power came back on.
       His love for me is overwhelming and humbling. He loves me in the little things. He turns the power on when I need it. He sends a word of encouragement when I'm tired. He is a Father who provides abundantly for his children. He gives them all that they need to live lives glorifying to him.
       And that last sentence, please don't get lost in what I said. He gives us what we need to glorify him! I don't always get what I want or even in my eyes what I need. But who does? No, the Lord gives me exactly what I need to glorify him and bless others. He is a gracious, loving Father. Jesus himself says so in Matthew
"Seek first the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything that you need." 6:33
"You parents, if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will you heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." 7:9-11
It also says in 2 Peter 1:3 "By his divine power God has given us everything that we need for living a Godly life."
         He really is all that we need. That is the biggest lesson I am learning here. Instead of just being head knowledge, he is writing it on the tablet of my heart. Silly story again, but just a little bit of how my character is changing. The other day my mac book started acting up and for a few hours (being fully charged before and everything) it would not turn on no matter what I did. I seriously thought it was broken and you know what's weird is that I didn't stress out. Back home I would have freaked out because I definitely don't have the money to buy a new one for school. I would have wondered how in the world I would be able to do school for so long without one, but here I just said oh well, the Lord will figure something out. I didn't mind the thought of spending extra time at the library working on a paper, or asking if I could borrow someones, because in all reality it really wasn't a big deal. It really didn't matter. It did not matter, not in the sense that I'm one of those rich kids who, when they break something, think it is no big deal because Mom and Dad will get a new one. It didn't matter because I realized to allow myself to stress over something so frivolous as a laptop was silly. It is not a need, though I definitely before would have thought otherwise. It is a blessing. (Also, don't worry it of course started working a few hours later).
      The only need that I have is the Lord. He is the one who gives a life worth living. Not food, shelter, clothes, clean water. He really is it. He is everything. It doesn't matter if I have any of the rest because if I don't have him I'm dead anyways. He will give me exactly what I need to glorify him. But the thing that is beautiful is that the love of the Father is so great he blesses me everyday with these things. Because of his love I have food, shelter, internet, friends, family, laptops, phones, a bible, a place to worship, a bed to sleep in. He has blessed me abundantly and to those who are richly blessed there is a call to richly give. He has called me to love the orphaned, widowed, poor, broken by blessing them with whatever I have. A hug, scripture, food, clothing, a bed to sleep in, a ride. While he doesn't need me to fulfill these blessings in the lives of others he chooses to use me. How humbled can you be. So many Americans go overseas and get upset when people ask for money, saying to themselves I really don't have that much to give, but that is a lie. It is a lie I myself have had to fight against believing too. We in America are so richly blessed. We are over flowing in blessings. Education, power, safe drinking water, easy access to food, electronics, homes, beds, abundance of clothes, shoes, medical care, loving friends and family. We are richly blessed and are abundantly selfish with those blessings. Which also leads us to rarely relying on the Lord or giving credit where credit is due to any of the things we have been blessed with. We don't allow him to use us for things which he intended. It says in James 2:5-6  that the poor are blessed with an abundance of faith and will be the ones to inherit the kingdom of God, while the rich will complain that they don't have enough.
      Ashamed hardly describes my feelings for my own selfishness and the country I call home. However, the Lord is good. He has called me out of shame and into the light. So instead of allowing the enemy to come in and tell me it will never change, I'm allowing it to change my heart to one that the Lord desires. A heart to give up everything to follow him. I still don't always understand. Sometimes I have half a mind to take a semester off of school and just stay here and be used by the Lord in whatever way possible. Sometimes I want to get on a plane and come home tomorrow. Sometimes I don't understand what the Lord is doing. Why would he let a child see her Father's murder? Why would he bring me all the way to Africa only to do exactly the opposite of what I thought he would do? Why do children go hungry every day when we throw away so much food? Why is so much given to some and so little to others? Unfortunately even with all the Lord has revealed to me while here, I still haven't been able to answer these questions or met someone who has.
     In part, I feel that as Americans we are completely unworthy of what the Lord has blessed us with. As a church we are more concerned with the new, modern technology than those who have yet to hear the gospel in the 10/40 window. As a church in America we live such comfortable lives, in luxury, style, and wealth while some of our sisters and brothers in Uganda are dying from malaria simply because they can't afford the medicine or they sit at home because their parents can't afford the few dollars a month to send them to school. Back home, most of us spend daily what it costs to send a Ugandan child to school for 3 months. We have taken the opportunity of abundance that  the Lord has given us and instead hoarded it all for ourselves.

      I think my biggest fear in coming home is that I will too easily forget what I have seen and heard during my time here.  I will too quickly get over the culture shock and forget. Even as a college student I have access to more funds at my part time job than a majority of the people here or elsewhere in the world. So what if I eat ramen a few more times instead of going out or don't get the newest iPhone. I want to give the way Christ has called me to: abundantly, and without reservation, in love, using all the wisdom he has given me. Instead of living in fear that I won’t change my life style or my spending when I get back, I'm going to try to take it one day at a time. I pray that I'll still accept the Lord's blessings and will pray I won't resent them but I will be abundantly thankful for life and every blessing I'm given. I pray that I'll turn back and use that which he has blessed me with for the very purpose it was first given, to bless others and glorify him. I want to use the car he has blessed me with to help out those who don't have one. I want to use the money I make at my part time job to help send one of my precious kids at Humble to school for another year. I want to spend my free time not sitting around being a college student and complaining about tests and school work, but serving and loving those in the community around me. I'm tired of the excuse, "I'll wait to live my life like that when I have more money, more time, and maybe when I'm older or in a different county," because the Lord has blessed me now with time, money, and people who need to be blessed around me. Yes, I'm 20. Yes, I don't make more than minimum wage. Yes, I spend most of my time at school, studying. And guess what - this is still no excuse. To whom much is given, much is required and I'm realizing more and more just how much I have been given and how much is required of me. It is a blessing to be blessed by the Lord to in turn bless others.

       I hope that even though you are not here with me to see and hear what I am seeing and hearing,  that you will still look into your own lives and see where you can give, where you can use your blessings to bless others, where you are making excuse that just cannot be made. Let's stop hoarding our blessings for fear we won't have them tomorrow and start being the man who went out and invested what his master gave him. I don't want to be the servant who buried everything in the dirt for fear of losing it. I want to be the servant, who used what the master had given him and who was in turn blessed even more.  I want my master to say when my work is done, "Well done my good and faithful servant." (story and scripture from Matthew 25:14-30)

      And guess what, I've only been here three weeks :). I can't wait to see what the Lord will continue to do as my time proceeds. Please pray for my heart to be continually changed,  for my desires to become the Lords and for my heart to be willing to give.  Even more, please pray for our church in America. Please pray that we will start using our blessings the way the Lord intended. Also be on the lookout for new blogs. I might be talking about some ways that you can give to HUMBLE and bless in the very way I have just written about.

Luke 12:48 "When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required."