Life here is a little bit different than home, but it is still life. I still have good days and bad days. Not every day is a day I'm super excited about getting up and going. Not everyday is a day I feel like staying in Africa for another two months. I wasn't magically cured of my laziness or selfishness in a few weeks. These feelings, though they may not seem good, are actually producing much fruit because I'm learning more than ever before that when I am weak, he is strong. When I fall short, he makes the difference. When I'm weary he is my rest. I'm learning to rely on him in a whole new way.
For example, (some of you may already know this but just to catch every one up to speed) one of the other interns is no longer here in Uganda with us. She decided after feeling a call to go home to the United States to leave us just a short 6 days after we arrived. Now, the work at the school that was meant to be split three ways, is being split two. Now, the community in the house has gone from a balanced three, two a questionable two. Now, while I had made all of these plans, the Lord is showing me he was making his own. All this to say, I'm so glad that Kelsey followed the Lord's call to go home because in doing so she not only followed his calling, but she allowed him to grow me in new ways. She allowed him to show me a little bit more of what it looks like to put my trust in him.
Or what about just last Saturday. I had a very important conversation I wanted to have with a friend. It was the only time we would be able to talk for another month. The unfortunate part was that the power had been out for about two days and as a result my computer had almost no battery left. It was 7:30 and we were suppose to skype at 8, so I did what I so rarely have to do in the states. I prayed for the Lord to turn the power on at 8 o'clock. Rarely do I have to rely on him for these types of things back home. I just go and do because I can and usually without little thought to what a blessing it is that I have been given. So guess what happened. At 8 o'clock the power came back on.
His love for me is overwhelming and humbling. He loves me in the little things. He turns the power on when I need it. He sends a word of encouragement when I'm tired. He is a Father who provides abundantly for his children. He gives them all that they need to live lives glorifying to him.
And that last sentence, please don't get lost in what I said. He gives us what we need to glorify him! I don't always get what I want or even in my eyes what I need. But who does? No, the Lord gives me exactly what I need to glorify him and bless others. He is a gracious, loving Father. Jesus himself says so in Matthew
"Seek first the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything that you need." 6:33
"You parents, if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will you heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." 7:9-11
It also says in 2 Peter 1:3 "By his divine power God has given us everything that we need for living a Godly life."
He really is all that we need. That is the biggest lesson I am learning here. Instead of just being head knowledge, he is writing it on the tablet of my heart. Silly story again, but just a little bit of how my character is changing. The other day my mac book started acting up and for a few hours (being fully charged before and everything) it would not turn on no matter what I did. I seriously thought it was broken and you know what's weird is that I didn't stress out. Back home I would have freaked out because I definitely don't have the money to buy a new one for school. I would have wondered how in the world I would be able to do school for so long without one, but here I just said oh well, the Lord will figure something out. I didn't mind the thought of spending extra time at the library working on a paper, or asking if I could borrow someones, because in all reality it really wasn't a big deal. It really didn't matter. It did not matter, not in the sense that I'm one of those rich kids who, when they break something, think it is no big deal because Mom and Dad will get a new one. It didn't matter because I realized to allow myself to stress over something so frivolous as a laptop was silly. It is not a need, though I definitely before would have thought otherwise. It is a blessing. (Also, don't worry it of course started working a few hours later).
The only need that I have is the Lord. He is the one who gives a life worth living. Not food, shelter, clothes, clean water. He really is it. He is everything. It doesn't matter if I have any of the rest because if I don't have him I'm dead anyways. He will give me exactly what I need to glorify him. But the thing that is beautiful is that the love of the Father is so great he blesses me everyday with these things. Because of his love I have food, shelter, internet, friends, family, laptops, phones, a bible, a place to worship, a bed to sleep in. He has blessed me abundantly and to those who are richly blessed there is a call to richly give. He has called me to love the orphaned, widowed, poor, broken by blessing them with whatever I have. A hug, scripture, food, clothing, a bed to sleep in, a ride. While he doesn't need me to fulfill these blessings in the lives of others he chooses to use me. How humbled can you be. So many Americans go overseas and get upset when people ask for money, saying to themselves I really don't have that much to give, but that is a lie. It is a lie I myself have had to fight against believing too. We in America are so richly blessed. We are over flowing in blessings. Education, power, safe drinking water, easy access to food, electronics, homes, beds, abundance of clothes, shoes, medical care, loving friends and family. We are richly blessed and are abundantly selfish with those blessings. Which also leads us to rarely relying on the Lord or giving credit where credit is due to any of the things we have been blessed with. We don't allow him to use us for things which he intended. It says in James 2:5-6 that the poor are blessed with an abundance of faith and will be the ones to inherit the kingdom of God, while the rich will complain that they don't have enough.
Ashamed hardly describes my feelings for my own selfishness and the country I call home. However, the Lord is good. He has called me out of shame and into the light. So instead of allowing the enemy to come in and tell me it will never change, I'm allowing it to change my heart to one that the Lord desires. A heart to give up everything to follow him. I still don't always understand. Sometimes I have half a mind to take a semester off of school and just stay here and be used by the Lord in whatever way possible. Sometimes I want to get on a plane and come home tomorrow. Sometimes I don't understand what the Lord is doing. Why would he let a child see her Father's murder? Why would he bring me all the way to Africa only to do exactly the opposite of what I thought he would do? Why do children go hungry every day when we throw away so much food? Why is so much given to some and so little to others? Unfortunately even with all the Lord has revealed to me while here, I still haven't been able to answer these questions or met someone who has.
In part, I feel that as Americans we are completely unworthy of what the Lord has blessed us with. As a church we are more concerned with the new, modern technology than those who have yet to hear the gospel in the 10/40 window. As a church in America we live such comfortable lives, in luxury, style, and wealth while some of our sisters and brothers in Uganda are dying from malaria simply because they can't afford the medicine or they sit at home because their parents can't afford the few dollars a month to send them to school. Back home, most of us spend daily what it costs to send a Ugandan child to school for 3 months. We have taken the opportunity of abundance that the Lord has given us and instead hoarded it all for ourselves.
I think my biggest fear in coming home is that I will too easily forget what I have seen and heard during my time here. I will too quickly get over the culture shock and forget. Even as a college student I have access to more funds at my part time job than a majority of the people here or elsewhere in the world. So what if I eat ramen a few more times instead of going out or don't get the newest iPhone. I want to give the way Christ has called me to: abundantly, and without reservation, in love, using all the wisdom he has given me. Instead of living in fear that I won’t change my life style or my spending when I get back, I'm going to try to take it one day at a time. I pray that I'll still accept the Lord's blessings and will pray I won't resent them but I will be abundantly thankful for life and every blessing I'm given. I pray that I'll turn back and use that which he has blessed me with for the very purpose it was first given, to bless others and glorify him. I want to use the car he has blessed me with to help out those who don't have one. I want to use the money I make at my part time job to help send one of my precious kids at Humble to school for another year. I want to spend my free time not sitting around being a college student and complaining about tests and school work, but serving and loving those in the community around me. I'm tired of the excuse, "I'll wait to live my life like that when I have more money, more time, and maybe when I'm older or in a different county," because the Lord has blessed me now with time, money, and people who need to be blessed around me. Yes, I'm 20. Yes, I don't make more than minimum wage. Yes, I spend most of my time at school, studying. And guess what - this is still no excuse. To whom much is given, much is required and I'm realizing more and more just how much I have been given and how much is required of me. It is a blessing to be blessed by the Lord to in turn bless others.
I hope that even though you are not here with me to see and hear what I am seeing and hearing, that you will still look into your own lives and see where you can give, where you can use your blessings to bless others, where you are making excuse that just cannot be made. Let's stop hoarding our blessings for fear we won't have them tomorrow and start being the man who went out and invested what his master gave him. I don't want to be the servant who buried everything in the dirt for fear of losing it. I want to be the servant, who used what the master had given him and who was in turn blessed even more. I want my master to say when my work is done, "Well done my good and faithful servant." (story and scripture from Matthew 25:14-30)
And guess what, I've only been here three weeks :). I can't wait to see what the Lord will continue to do as my time proceeds. Please pray for my heart to be continually changed, for my desires to become the Lords and for my heart to be willing to give. Even more, please pray for our church in America. Please pray that we will start using our blessings the way the Lord intended. Also be on the lookout for new blogs. I might be talking about some ways that you can give to HUMBLE and bless in the very way I have just written about.
Luke 12:48 "When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required."
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