Home Away From Home

Hey everyone! Incase you didn’t already know I did make it home safely from my two months in Uganda. To catch you up to speed as to what has happened in the past two weeks, I said goodbye to the children, teachers, and adults, I saw some elephants, giraffes, and hippos, and I boarded a plane for the Atlanta airport. The goodbyes were some of the hardest I have ever had to make. I can’t quite describe to you what it feels like to leave children that you have come to love with your whole heart and who you have created a mutual dependance with. If ever I felt the sensation of being a Mother it was when I had to wipe their tears as I said goodbye. I literally thought I was going to break. Natalee and I cried during our closing ceremony as the children sang us farewell songs and celebrated our time their. We cried as we said goodbye to the first route of children leaving on the bus. We did hold it together some. We didn’t completely break down sobbing then. We hugged their necks and laughed and cried and made sure they knew just how much we loved them. Then we got in the car. The moment we started pulling away from the school for the last time was when the heavens opened up. Our poor driver, Jackson, was trying to drive down the road as these two young, white, girls are a sobbing mess. Not that the moment was laughable, but I’m sure we were definitely a site for all the people we drove past. 

I think what made this goodbye so different than any other I have made before was that I felt like these children had a need for me or at least someone like me. A need for a loving, caring parent who would hold them when they cried, bandaged their scraped knee, sing them to sleep when they had a nightmare, kiss them on the forehead before they went to bed, make them chocolate chip cookies after a big test, love them no matter what they did wrong. This goodbye was just different. When I say goodbye to my families and friends I know that they will miss me, but they will be fine whether I am there or not. When I said goodbye to these children the look in their eyes was one of abandonment and it sure felt like I was. It still breaks my heart to think about. 

So I went home with the conviction that I would not forget them. I wouldn’t forget their smiling faces or their grief stricken ones. I wouldn’t forget their joy and blessings or their sorrow and needs. I would come home and figure out what I could do to help them from here since God has called me home. I kept waiting for that moment of intense culture shock to happen when I got home. I kept waiting for the moment I would break down because of the overwhelming differences in the place I just lived for two months and the place I was born. It didn’t happen the moment I stepped into the Atlanta airport. It didn’t happen when I ate my first meal at Ingleside Village Pizza. It didn’t even happen when I first walked in to wal-mart or even at Old Navy. It waited until today in the middle of the Verizon store.

So before I tell you this I just want to go ahead and apologize if you have tried to call me or text me since I have gotten home and not heard anything back. My phone decided before I left that it was going to do what it wanted, when it wanted and I just decided to wait to get a new one until I got home. So I went with my Mom today to pick out a new one. My plan was to go in and get the cheapest, most reliable phone possible. I didn’t want to spend money on a nice new phone, I just wanted something that would work. I walked into the store and began to look around. Prices seem to have skyrocketed since I left. I asked the sales clerk who was helping us what the cheapest, most reliable phone was that they had. She kind of smiled at me and said what you see is what we have. I looked at her a little confused because all of the phones I saw seemed to be phones that required a data plan, a data plan that I neither needed nor wanted to spend money on. I then proceeded to ask her if they had any phones that didn’t require data packages. This time she laughed at me and said “No, all of our phones now require data packages.” At this point I’m frustrated. I don’t want to spend money that I could spend helping send one of my kids to school on a stupid data package that I don’t need. My Mom walks in at this point and begins conversing with the sales lady. I sit back as they begin discussing because I mean what am I going to do, tell the sales clerk this is just not acceptable because I just spent two months in Uganda and the thought of spending $120 for a phone makes me cringe. By the time their decision is coming to an end they have helped eliminate every phone in the store but two. One phone is priced at $90 and the other $120. I sat there for a good 5 minutes trying to decide which phone to get. The latter one was an iphone and would make it really easy to synch my laptop and i-pod to. As my Mom is telling me the pro’s to spending the extra $30 on the i-phone I’m standing there fighting back the tears. Why do I have to spend $120 on a phone that would send my sweet little Evelyne to school for a semester? Why do I have to make this decision? Why can’t I just be back in Uganda sitting with my kids in the classroom laughing about how strange body hair is or that my skin has freckles on it?

That moment hit. I asked my Mom if I could go sit in the car for a few minutes before I decided what I wanted to do. She, being the wise woman that she is, said no. She knew that if I went and got in the car, those tears that were threatening to spill over would come crashing down and I would probably just end up not getting a phone and still not being able to communicate with anyone. So I did it. I bought the i-phone and the whole time I had these mixed feelings of being excited at finally having a new phone and feeling extremely guilty.

Why is it that I can buy a smart phone while I just met children who couldn’t buy a meal to feed themselves? Why did God choose me to be the one placed in a loving, Christian family where I have all that I could ever need or want when there are so many who die from lack of proper medical care or sanitary conditions or just plain malnutrition? Is it honestly enough to say that God is all they need and leave it at that? It is really ok as a Christ follower to justify the excessive amount of money I spend on pointless things when my brothers and sisters are starving by saying Christ is all the food they need? No, it isn’t. It isn’t ok and... that is ok. It is ok for me to cry in the middle of the Verizon store about buying an i-phone. It is ok that my heart breaks to think about the children who don’t have food, clothing, shelter, or just the love of a parent. It is more than ok because that is the very heart of our Father. His heart is to feed the hungry, heal the wounded, fix the broken, father the orphaned, and love the lonely. His heart is what I want mine to be. I can’t quite explain to you how it feels to be home. How can you be so happy and so broken at the same time? How can you be so happy that your church is getting focused on missions and so sad at the same time by the new chairs they purchased that you are sitting in? I can’t explain it to you because you haven’t seen the church buildings with no chairs or even walls for that matter. You haven’t seen the children whose needs are the basics, none of which include a new phone. 

I don’t quite know where I am going with this blog post. Mainly its more an update on me. On how it feels to be overjoyed to see friends and family and feel guilty at the same time for doing it. I know guilt is not from the Lord but I know this broken heart is. Right now I’m trying to figure out where the two meet in the middle. Let me know if you all figure it out. In the mean time I’m going to keep letting my heart be broken for the broken. 

Slumber Parties and Goodbyes!

Tonight Natalee and I got the amazing opportunity to spend the night with the girls in their dorm. I'm not quite sure why we didn't do it sooner. We have laughed so much and it has been great to get some free time with them. I can hardly believe that tomorrow is my last day at HUMBLE. The great impact these children have had on me can't quite be put into words. They tell me that they will never forget me, but I will never forget them. I'm already planning in my head just what it will take to come back. I think what is hardest about this goodbye is knowing that I am just one more person they have to say goodbye to. So many of them have had to say goodbye to so many different people in their lives. P.5 graciously offered to hide Natalee and I under the beds in the dorms so we wouldn't have to go home. They don't know how tempting that is, but I know God has a season for everything and my season at HUMBLE is coming to an end.
This summer has been a summer full of laughter, smiles, tears of joy and heartbreak, singing, and anything else you can imagine 350 school children doing on a regular basis. I have bandaged scraped knees, dried many tears, sang along to many songs, told them I love them over and over again, spoken God's word to them, climbed trees, eaten berries, written on many chalk boards, spoken many Luganda words incorrectly, cried many tears myself, and loved every single minute of it. I have loved being directly in the middle of God's will for my life. I love that he brought me here to love others but also to teach me more than I could have ever learned by myself.
He knew 5 months ago when it was looking like I wasn't going to be able to come that he still had it planned for me to be here, right now, sleeping in a bed next to my beautiful sisters in Christ under my mosquito net. He knew that it wasn't going to be exactly what I expected but so, so much more. How is it that my God loves me so much that even when he sends me to go minister to others he still allows me to be loved on too. My heart is breaking at the thought of leaving these kids. I know it may sound crazy to those of you at home but honestly the idea of adoption has never been so forefront in my mind. This doesn't come from my own heart. It comes from the Father's heart for the orphaned, poor, and oppressed. It comes from the Father breaking my heart for what breaks his. He is father to the fatherless and provider to the empty handed. I know that the time for this is not now, but in my heart I already have too many little faces that are etched there forever.
I'm going to miss their rich voices singing "Oh my God is gooder!" I'm going to miss the little babies crying out "Mzungu, teacher Ashwee!" I'm going to miss the laughter that follows one of the Reverends sermons as he tells a crazy story to the children. I'm going to miss the feel of 12 children surrounding me all trying to hold my hand at the same time. I'm going to miss drying their tears that seem to come at the most unexpected moments. I'm going to miss them laughing at me as I try to play netball barefoot. I'm going to miss the breaking and rebuilding of my heart the Lord has done everyday since I have been here as he shows me more of their pain and more of his healing hand.
Tomorrow is our last day at HUMBLE. We will say our goodbyes and then Friday morning head out early to see some of Uganda's beautiful wild life. Sunday we will worship in Gulu and then Monday morning I will be leaving the beautiful continent of Africa to come home to you all. As some of you may have noticed this is a little bit sooner than what was originally planned.  With all that has occurred in both Natalee's health and my own during our time here, as well as logistically with us starting school so soon, our parents, the conference, and ourselves have made the joint decision that the summer needed to end a little bit early. Natalee and I have declared that this just obviously means another trip back must take place! So tomorrow Natalee and myself could both use a little prayer as we say our goodbyes to these children that have stolen our hearts. More importantly though if you would be in prayer for the children that though they will miss us the Lord will quickly fill their hearts with his joy, love, and peace. See you all soon. As I have said before, thank you does not quite cover just how indebted I am to you all for your love, prayers, and support of me during my time here. Since I will be home a few days before I have to leave for Athens again I would love to answer any questions all of you have about my time here. Even though the Lord sent me here I feel like the messages he has taught me are meant to be shared. As I arrive home I will continue to keep all of you updated on the transition from culture to culture as well as sharing some more of the things the Lord has taught me and I have experienced that I have not gotten to write about yet. It is bittersweet to say I will be seeing you soon!

Everything is Daisies and Sunshine

I’ve solved all the world’s problems! Thank you all for sending me here because I have now fixed the extreme poverty here, placed all of the orphans in homes, killed all of the malaria infested mosquitos, and even managed to decrease emission levels. 

Don’t believe me? Haha today Natalee and I went to Jinja and had a beautiful day near the Nile and hanging out in the town center. When we were at a local coffee shop we ran into a mission team from Australia. As we were talking with them, one of the ladies said how difficult it would be to go home because of people’s questions. When I asked her what she meant she said “People will ask me how was Uganda and expect me to say that it was great! When really it was hard and challenging and not the easiest thing to see such poverty, devastation, and hunger.” When she spoke those words it immediately made me think of all of my blog posts. Natalee and I were discussing it on the way home. We both felt like a lot of what we have shared with you all hasn’t always been the happy, saving the world one day at a time thoughts. Instead you have gotten the raw reality of what doing life is like here. You have seen what it looks like to get to know children who have experienced major devastation and still praise the Lord. You have seen what it looks like to be in a culture that is so different from ours that its hard to understand and comprehend and can sometimes be really frustrating. You have seen what it looks like to spend 10 hour days at school and then come home and have to cook and clean the African way and still try to make time to plan lessons. You have seen what it looks like to deal with sickness here. You have even seen, whether you realize it or not, a lot more than this that is just reflected in my blog posts. It isn’t always easy. It isn’t always fun. It is the reality of serving the Lord and it is so, so good! Even with all of the hard days I wouldn’t trade a single lesson I have learned here. Even with all of the sadness I wouldn’t trade a moment with a single person I have met. When Paul is talking of his trips to all different countries he doesn’t say “I had a fabulous time and was so comfortable in my lavish living conditions and welcomed by everyone I met!” No, he was chased out of cities, stoned by locals, put in prison, bit by snakes, shipwrecked on islands and Paul said “By God’s grace and mighty power I have been given the Privilege of serving him and spreading the Good News.” Ephesians 3:7 He considered the hardships he experienced to be little in comparison of the joy of getting to serve the Lord. 

What does this mean for me? It means that its ok my blog posts aren’t always titled “Everything is Daisies and Sunshine.” It means that my time here is beautiful in the fact that Christ is teaching me what it looks like to struggle for his kingdom, too. It means that every hard day is still a good day because I’m learning what it looks like to truly serve the Lord in the way that he has called me to overseas (even if it takes me a couple days or even weeks of reflection to see it). This trip has looked a lot different than my Malawi trip and less of what I expected it to look like. My Malawi trip was fantastic in allowing me a taste of African culture and getting to see the Lord move in mighty ways. This trip has allowed me to see what is looks like to live here and do life here and see God in the middle of the hard stuff. I go to the market and buy groceries and barter to get the right prices. I budget out my money to make sure I have enough for paying the power bill, groceries, and gas money. I plan what my day will look like, what lessons I will teach, and what all I need to do when I get home. I figure out what needs to happen if Natalee gets really sick and I have to communicate with everyone to figure out how to get home (Obviously all of these decisions are done with Natalee, but you get my point). 

This is doing life in a different country. It is hard. It is challenging. It is so beautiful! So, please don’t be discouraged by the hard things in my blog posts. Be encouraged, because I’m learning what life is like here! I’m learning what it means to trust God! I’m learning that struggling is a part of being a servant of Christ and it is a beautiful part! All of what I have shared up until now was so you all could experience what I was experience, see what I saw, and live what I have been living. The good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the entirety of what you helped send me here to do. So, no I haven’t solved all of the world’s problems. I haven’t figured out world poverty, hunger, disease, or pollution. I have learned that serving the Lord is beautiful and difficult. You don’t always see results, but you trust in the one who knows the outcome. 

“Don’t be intimidated in any way by your enemies. This will be a sign to them that they are going to be destroyed, but that you are going to be saved, even by God himself. For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him. We are in this struggle together. You have seen my struggle in the past, and you know that I am still in the midst of it.” Philippians 1:28-30 It is a privilege to be here and serve the Lord, and it is a privilege to experience the difficulties that come with it. Thank you all for loving me and learning with me. “The Lord is good all the time and all the time the Lord is good. That’s his nature. Wow.” This is a phrase we say every time after we have worship with the children. He is good. All of the time. I’m learning that on both the bad days and the good days. Glad that you all are learning it with me! 

My heart of love for you all grows more and more every day as does my heart of love for the people here. I truly am so blessed and overjoyed to have been given the privilege of serving the Lord here. He continually shows me his heart for the people here, and though I can’t fix everything, I can pray about everything and trust that he is big enough! Thank you for your continued prayer and support as I finish out my time here in Uganda. 

"Oh My God is Gooder!"

So here is a factual update since I've been pretty bad at thoughs! Sorry about that! My trip to Jinja to see Melissa was fantastic! We had a great day hanging out around town. We at in the town center and looked at the different shops and then headed back to where she was staying. There I got to meet some of her team. They are pretty amazing and it was great to hear their stories of how their camp is going in Kenya. Be praying for them as they finish up their last few weeks of camp. I also got to rope swing into the Nile! It was pretty amazing! I swam in the same water as Baby Moses :). It was a little more in my comfort zone than rafting since 1. I've never been rafting and 2. it's actually against the rules for my internship. I was a little worried though about crocodiles nibbling on my toes, but I just couldn't pass up the experience! It's a little bit different than the Botanical Gardens in Athens and quite a bit bigger. We had a great day laughing and sharing what the Lord was doing in our hearts.
After Wednesday was when all of the sickness hit. Natalee woke up with a high fever at 2:30 Friday morning. I'm not going to lie, I was a little worried because if her fever were to increase at all, ambulances aren't really a hot commodity around here and people don't really answer their phones at 2:30 in the morning. The next few days were followed with many different Doctors appointments with little success. As of right now we are still not really sure what she had. She didn't really start improving until yesterday and their were some pretty scary diagnosis that had us worried we just might be on a plane back to America. Not only that, but Saturday morning, the day her Mother was suppose to fly out with the Cross Roads team, I had some issues of my own. Needless to say Natalee's mother, thank goodness, ended up delaying her flight and is now scheduled to fly out tomorrow. We could not be more grateful and thankful for her presence here. The Lord as always had perfect timing. Please pray for her as she travels home tomorrow for safety and peace. I'm also so thankful to say that as of right now both Natalee and myself are doing better. Natalee is recovering quite nicely and still getting lots of rest. Please continue to pray for a full recovery so that we can spend the last bit of our time here doing the Lord's work.
Even with the craziness of the past few days I have still had some pretty amazing moments. With the Cross Roads team from Virginia being here I have learned a lot about how HUMBLE school began and more about the little nuts and bolts that hold it together. It was great getting to learn more about their heart for the children and more about everything the Lord has allowed them to do. Not only that, but they also let us borrow Natalee's Mom a time or two just for spend the night parties at the compound.
I have also had some fantastic days with the children. Today I climbed a tree with the kids and tried to relive my childhood a little bit instead of turning into the worried teacher who is nervous the kids are going to fall. We laughed as we dropped down berries for the other kids to eat. Basically if you can imagine what happens at a child's birthday party when the pinata breaks and all the kids go flocking to the ground, it was the same concept. I even ate a couple myself after much persistence from the children and a quick prayer that I wouldn't be regretting it tomorrow. I've also gotten the opportunity to go and visit one of the local villagers we buy vegetables from. She had been sick and I went with the missionary, Jennifer, to go visit her and make sure she was getting better. We got to pray over her and encourage her in the Lord. It was my first opportunity to be invited into someone's home here besides Jennifer's and Sam and Eva's. I felt so privileged and it will be one of those prized moments I remember when I go home.
At the school it has been a little crazy as far as classes go. The students are basically done with their term 2 material so classes get out earlier and we have more time to play. I love it! It gives me more time to talk to the students and get to know them. It has been so beautiful to get to move past my label of "Mzungu." Not just in the sense that they now know my name, but also in the sense that they know I'm their because I love them. One of the biggest blessings I have been given since I've been here was a few words spoken by one of the children. Whenever we are playing outside and I hear any cries from any child I always go running to make sure everything is ok. It normally is. Typically someone either bit or pushed their friend but that doesn't stop my heart from picking up its pace as I think of just how many things they do here that if I had children of my own I probably wouldn't let them do. One day after I went running to check on one of the children, one of them asked me "You really care about us, don't you?" That is the whole reason I came. My heart was to be the hands and feet of Christ by loving these children out of the overflow of my heart. It is the biggest blessing to know that they know I really do care about them because Christ first cared about me.
Even with all of the hard things that have happened this summer, all of the unexpected, God has been moving in my heart and in the hearts of these children. It is beautiful to see the Lord using each of us to teach each other. It hasn't looked exactly as I thought it would. God's plans normally don't, but I have learned so much. I've learned more about the call the Lord has placed on my life for overseas missions. I have learned more about the giftings he has given me with teaching and working with children. I have learned more about his overwhelming love for myself and those all around me. As one of the songs the children often sing goes "Oh my God is gooder!" As the summer starts to draw to an end, I can't quite imagine what it will be like to say goodbye to all of these beautiful children. Now I fully understand why Katie Davis, author of "Kisses From Katie" had such a hard time leaving and now has adopted 12 Ugandan children. I've already told Evelyn, one of my Primary 6 girls that she is hiding in my suitcase on the way home! Please pray for the Lord to continue to show me how to use my last couple of weeks here to further his kingdom the most and to show these children they are loved by an amazing Father. Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

Broken and Fixed

Shouldn’t I know these things by now? Shouldn’t I be able to do this all on my own? Shouldn’t I be able to try to make decisions in a stressful situation and still take into account others and love them and be encouraging? 

The last few days have required me to act more like an adult than probably anything up to this point. How did I handle it? I took charge and freaked out and tried to make sure all the decisions were made without hearing the advice of those around me. (This is an update from Saturday night as a lot has happened in those few short days). Instead of seeing the extra things those around me thought we should do as helpful or listening I shut down because I felt I already had a full plate and could handle no more. Is this how Christ expects us to treat others? Of course not. Even in the scariest of times, even in the darkest of times, when decisions need to be made fast we are still called to love. It isn’t love when I don’t listen. It isn’t love when I shut down. It isn’t love when I snap back because I’m frustrated. 

I asked God today why I couldn’t do it all at the same time. Why did I fall so short of being able to make all of these decisions and do it lovingly? Why did I mess up again? Why is it that most of what he has been teaching me here is the same thing, that I need to trust him and he is all I need? So today I’m sitting before him crying as I realize him continually making me aware of my need for him. I can’t do it all. I’m so imperfect. I can’t handle the situations perfectly and quite honestly I hate it! I hate the fact that I am not always kind, wise, caring, loving, compassionate. I hate that I can be selfish, mean, short tempered, foolish, and not compassionate. I hate it because I want to be like Christ but I also hate it because I can’t be all of those good things by myself. I hate that I can’t do it on my own. It makes me feel like all the work the Lord has been doing in me isn’t working because I still haven’t figured it out. 

So what does the Lord remind me this morning. He says to me in Proverbs “My child don’t reject [my] discipline and don’t be upset when [I] correct you. For [I] correct those [I] love, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” 3:11-12. “Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom instead fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.” 3:7-8. “Trust in [me] with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek [my] ways in all you do and [I] will show you which path to take.” 3:5-6. “You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly. You need not to be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for [I am] your security. [I] will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.” 3:24-26. In one chapter of scripture the Lord prepared a feast for me. 

He provided yet again. It is ok that I’m not perfect. I won’t be until Christ’s return as Philippians 1:6 “And I am certain that God who began a good work within you, will continue his work until is is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” This is good. As Paul talks of our imperfections allow us to always remember our need for Christ. “‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness’. So now I am glad  to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. 

I asked the Lord to stretch and grow me like never before this summer. I asked him to show me how to depend on him in a whole new way. I thought that meant listening to his voice as I went out and did amazing things for his kingdom. I thought it meant seeing amazing results as I listened to his voice and followed where it took me. I didn’t realize it meant he was going to humble me in such a beautiful way time and time again. I feel as if I have written this same blog post over and over again. I need him. I need him. I need him. Today he reminded me that is ok. He loves me. If I wasn’t being disciplined and corrected I should be worried because he corrects those he loves. He is definitely answering my prayers though! I’m definitely learning to depend on him and learning all the ways that I don’t. 

So to update you all on the current situation. I am feeling much better. By Sunday morning, I felt revived and refreshed. Natalee is still not well and they are not sure what is wrong. Her Mother, Roxanne Dukes, was by God’s grace and planning here with the Cross Roads team and was able to extend her trip to stay with us and take care of Natalee. We are all exhausted emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We need prayers for direction. We need prayers for the grace to trust the Lord with what we can’t control. We need prayers for strength. Thank you to all who have continually been walking this journey with me. I know I fall short. I’m learning that here in so many ways. Thank you for your grace in seeing me with the same eyes as our heavenly Father. 

Learning to Live

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog about how my kids had learned to live with much or little, referencing Philippians 4 as Christ was all they need. Thank goodness the Lord is teaching me not just through other’s examples but through personal experience. This might sound like a strange thankfulness, but how many get to experience God being all they need in the toughest of times. The times I’m calling tough really pale in comparison to others, but none the less my God is faithful and persistent in my life. 

Thursday night Natalee woke up with a high fever. From 2:30 that morning until tonight I have been fighting to figure out what the Lord’s purpose is for me here. She is sick. I’m sick. My flesh just longs for home. I long to feel the comfort and love of my family. I long for rest and American food and medicine that I know I can trust. I’m not normally a homesick individual, but these last few days have changed my mind. Tonight as I finally got a chance to consult the Lord in all of this he whispered in my heart to go read Psalms 23. I had just finished journaling asking the Lord to help me rely on him for strength, love, comfort, rest, and peace. When I finished pouring out my heart to the Lord I turned to the very familiar scripture. This whole summer the Lord has been continually speaking this verse over me. I couldn’t figure out why. Yes, it is poetic and beautiful but I’ve heard it time and time again. Haven’t you? I have grown numb to just the depth of what it means.

“The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have all that I need.

He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.

    He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honor to his name.

Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.

You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
    My cup overflows with blessings.

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
    forever.”

This is why the Lord kept speaking it to my heart this summer. Every need, every desire within me, he is teaching me to let him fill. When I’m exhausted from a long day of work, or driving all over Uganda trying to find Doctors, he is my rest. When my heart is anxious over what the outcome of all of this will be, he is my peace. When I’m weak and weary from fighting off different African diseases, he is my strength. He walks closely with me when all is dark around me and I don’t know where to go. When I’m lonely, he comforts me. When I’m driving down the roads of Mukono, he protects me. When the enemy attacks and tells me I can’t do it, he prepares a feast for me in his word. When I need love, his follows me all the days of my life. 

So, yes, I’m so thankful and grateful to be learning this lesson. I’m learning to allow him to be all that I need in a way I never have before. I’ll try to keep you all posted on the health status of Natalee and myself, but until then just pray for the Lord to continually show both of us just how deep his love is. Pray that he would continually show us what it means to live. 

Beautiful Mornings

“I know that I can trust you. I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven. I give it all to you, God, trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me. There’s nothing I hold onto. I am so in love with you. There is no one else for me.” -Will Reagan

This morning the Lord reminded me and humbled be by his great power and glory. He is my rest. He is my strength. He guides my every step and leads me into all truth. He hears my cries and he answers. Even when my cries aren’t justified. Even when I am being selfish. He hears and answers and shows me. He is such a patient teacher. No matter how many times he has taught me a lesson, he will continue to show me until I understand in full. Glory upon glory he is revealing to me what he looks like, his nature, and as he reveals more I start to change into the perfected image of him I was created to be. He is making all things new. Trust. That is my lesson today. Trust in the creator, the maker, the healer, the comforter, the provider, the father, the lover, the friend. Trust in the one who knows far greater than I. So my prayer for today is keep teaching me, Lord. Keep showing me. Please, never loose patience with me for you are what makes my heart happy, you are what gives me life, you are all I need and don’t let me ever forget. 

I get to go to Jinja today and have wonderful fellowship with my dear friend Melissa Peterson. She has been working at camp Bluesky this summer in Kenya. The Lord is gracious in his timing. He knows what I need and when I need it. He knew I needed a day of encouragement, rest, and fellowship. How beautiful is the love of my Father. May he continue to use me as a humble servant this summer. My heart is so full of thanks right now. I’m most thankful though, for time I get to spend with the Lord. It is only when I have spent time before him on my knees that he is able to remind me his plans for today. He reminds me why he is working my life out the way he is. It never cease to make me realize my own humanity and silly worries. 

Little Me

I feel quite often here that I’m trying to run a marathon but my feet are stuck in quick sand. There is so much I want to do, so much I expected to do, and so much that just does not get done. At the end of every day I come home absolutely exhausted no matter how much sleep I have gotten or if we didn’t even really do anything that day. There is just this sluggish feeling that has fallen on me. What do I have to show for my 5 weeks here? Some pictures drawn by the baby class, some lessons taught about plants to the primary 6 students, and some math problems worked out by the primary 5 students. I feel as though I have accomplished nothing at all. At the end of the day I come home so spent and then look back and feel as if I have done nothing. Not to say that spending time with the kids at HUMBLE is nothing, only to say that I wish I could be doing so much more for them.

Today, I am just feeling like the preachers kid I grew up being times 10. Every time we go anywhere we are watched by EVERYONE. I stick out like a sore thumb. I feel as if I’m back being 14 at church on Sunday trying to make sure I do everything right as people watch and wait to report to my parents or their friends what exactly David Garrett’s daughter is doing. I’ve been trying to think back to how I managed to get over that in my teenage years. How did I decide to just follow the beat of my own drum?

I decided it when I realized that the Lord’s opinion is the one that matters. When I decided that I wasn’t there to make my name famous but his. I stopped looking at who was looking at me and what I was not and started looking up at who I wanted to be like. I can’t. I’m to young. It’s not safe. That’s all I’ve done. Me. Me. Me. Me. All I have been talking to the Lord about is all that I haven’t been able to do or can’t do. I haven’t even realized all that he has done. I’ve been looking at him and saying “Why did you bring me here to make me feel like a bird in a cage, being watched with no place to go?” 

 He has been trying to get me to see that it isn’t about me. It isn’t about what I can do, how tired I am, who is looking at me. It is about what he can do and is doing. He did bring me here for a reason, even on days like today when I question why I’m here. He provided the money. He put me on that plane. He has carried me through the last 5 weeks. He has helped me to build relationships with the children. He has taught me to listen to them because they have a lot to say. He is using me even when I can't see it. It isn’t always roses and sunshine. I don’t always see the fruit of my work. But even if I feel as if I’m doing nothing, he is doing something, which obviously means its going to be amazing. So I’m gonna go to school tomorrow and probably teach some more about plants and algebra and sing some songs with the baby class. I might get my hair braided and go to the fish pond. I might even feel again like I have done absolutely nothing. I just have to trust that though I feel like I’ve done nothing, that one tiny bit of information I taught to my primary six student, he is going to remember on his exam and it will make the difference between him passing or not. That little bit of encouragement I give my primary 5 student as they try to remember their multiplication is going to give them that little extra nudge to believe, with God, they can have all the wisdom in the world. Those few crazy hair days, where my head is full of braids is going to have allowed that one conversation to take place that might have reminded that girl that someone cares enough about her to sit and talk with her. No, it might not seem like much, but with a God as big as ours, it can be something bigger than I could imagine.

Today he reminded me of the fish and loaves story. I’m sure the disciples were feeling like they had accomplished little of what the Lord asked them to. He asked them to go get food for the thousands of people. They brought him 5 loaves and 7 fish. They said I have done nothing. This is so little when I look at all the need around me. Jesus said this is more than enough to fulfill my purposes. Then he fed the more than 5 thousand people. All I can do is trust that what I bring to the Lord he will multiply. He knows the need around me better than I do. He will fulfill it and it doesn’t take a lot for him to accomplish big things. I guess it is ok to stick to my little things. So please pray. Pray for encouragement from the Lord that I will trust him with what I cannot do. Pray for a continued desire to get out of bed in the morning and continue the work he has brought me here to do. Pray for me to start being seen not as the Mzungu from America, but these people’s sister in Christ.

Ignore grammatical mistakes. My students are either rubbing off on me or I'm just too tired to go over it. Thanks for your continued prayers and support.

"Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." Ephesians 3:20

These Children...

Not sure where all my blog inspiration is coming from. Let's just say it is making up for the two weeks I left you hanging and my finally being able to process some of what I am feeling. 

These Children never cease to amaze me. Every day I spend with them I learn new things. The Lord is continually breaking my heart over the pandemic of poverty here and all that comes with it, but he is also continually showing me his goodness. People always talk about the joy that they see in the faces of the people here. I still can’t quite understand it all but I think I’m learning a little bit. Here, it is the little things that make you happy. It is those few vegetables that were added to your daily portion of posho and beans. It is the new volleyball net that got put up so the kids have something to play with. Its that extra sheet of construction paper the teacher hands them and says they can draw what they want. It is the little things to us, but here these are big things. So much of the happiness I see around me comes from a heart of thankfulness. 

What do these people have to be thankful for? These children are in school, while most of their brothers and sisters are at home because they didn’t get chosen to go to school by Mom and Dad, if they even have a Mom and Dad. These children have food every day while many go to bed hungry. These children have a soccer ball to play with that many children here only dream of getting to play with. 

In our eyes these children would still seem to have so little. They still have numerous holes in their clothes that means the girls have to wear sweaters in the hot of the day so their stomachs don’t show. They still don’t get any variety in food or all the nutrients they need and most never have family to come visit them. They still have to take off their shoes when they want to play a game because they only have one pair and they are already broken.They still have families who need so much back home that they have no way of helping. If they were allowed, I’m sure many of them would take their own plates of food back to their brothers and sisters just to make sure they were eating too. They still have “needs” in our eyes. 

In their eyes though they have been given all they could ever need. I fully believe that is because many of them have understood Paul’s heart in Philippians 4:10-14. Paul is speaking with the Church of Philippi and thanking them for their kindness in being concerned with his needs, but trying to explain he is content and in need of nothing. “How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength. Even so you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.”

Yesterday morning I was sitting in my bed in the morning, begging God to show me what I could do. I felt hopeless. I felt like there was too huge a need for me to be able to do anything. I had read the stories of my primary six class the night before. I asked them to write their stories for me about their life before they came to HUMBLE school. I wanted to know them. I figured most of them probably just had parents who didn’t have a lot of money and couldn’t afford school. Most of them probably had parents back home who loved them and had brothers and sisters who got the opportunity to study at school too. This was wishful thinking on my part. This was my wanting to not think about everything these kids, that I try to love every day, have experienced. I sat there on my bed the night before, reading story after story with tears on my cheeks. One of my sweet, sweet girls wrote of the Sunday that some people came to choose two children from her church to be in the Hope for Africa Children’s choir. Here are her words “I was in Sunday at Trinity United Methodist Church. It was a Sunday when visitors came to our church and they wanted children who didn’t have their parents. We were many children who didn’t have parents. Then, they called us. They told us to sing for them, every person one song. Then I sang. They wanted to pick the best two singers. By God’s will I was first person to be picked to be in the Hope for Africa Children’s Choir.” She was picked. She was picked out of her brothers and sisters and countless other children. This gave her the opportunity to come to the United States and sing and raise money and get to go to school when she returned. Now she doesn’t go to bed hungry every night but has food every day. Now she will be able to make a better life for herself because she gets to study at school. Now she is given medicine when she gets Malaria so it doesn’t lead to death. 

I know my words were harsh two blogs ago. I know they seemed pretty severe. I hope, though, that you are starting to understand why. Everyday I get the huge blessing to get to know these children. These children who have relied on God for probably more than I ever will have to in my life. These children who, every Thursday, fast for their school, their families, and their communities, praying that one day God will let their brothers and sisters go to school. One day, their families won’t go to bed hungry, or die from Malaria because they can’t pay for the medicine. These children who have learned to live with little or much. These children who have learned to live with an empty stomach or a full one. These children who I played net ball with yesterday and cheered me on as I tried to play barefoot. These children who laugh with me every day as we watch the Baby class go running by screaming “techwer Ashwee”. These children who are so thankful for everything they have and so believing the Lord to provide what they don’t. 

So yesterday I went to school and I learned from them. I learned that there are bad things in this life but many, many good things too. This coming from many who have lost countless family members. I learned that nothing is hopeless because God showed his grace to them, why can’t he do the same for others. They reminded me that no matter how big the problem, our God is bigger. So today I still cry when I think of everything they have experienced. I still hope and pray that I can help to sponsor some of them to continue on to secondary school. I now have been reminded though that no matter where we find ourselves in life, with much or little, we can be joyful. We can know that we have everything we need because we have Christ. We have life because of Christ. We have the love of the Father constantly displayed to us everyday because of Christ. So, I can rest assured that though I know all the ways I would want to love each and everyone of them, they do have their most important need met. So please pray for the hard days for me. The days when I just want to stay in bed because I can’t bear to think about all of the other children who go to bed hungry right next door to me. Pray for me to be reminded that my God is big enough. Pray for me to be reminded that I am serving a purpose here and every hug, every smile, every scripture, every piece of knowledge, though it might not change Uganda’s poverty and amount of orphans, is at least making a difference in the lives of one. But more than praying for me, I hope that you are praying for them and their families, communities and HUMBLE school. 

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

I know that most of my blogs have been pretty serious and I don’t want there to me any mistaking it. Africa is also completely full of laughter and joy. Literally I come home every day with a new story that has Natalee and me on the floor laughing as we retell what has happened. Here are some of the funny moments, the joyful moments, the loveliness of Uganda and it’s culture. These are the moments that make the hard ones worth it. 

Mom, this one is for you. “Sorry.” People say sorry here like it’s going out of style. You fall and scrape your knee, “oh, sorry, sorry!” Not just from one person but from everyone. Which means I fit in perfectly! Back home, I have been known to over use this word occasionally... Haha but here I can say it all I want and I absolutely love hearing all the children saying it in their little Ugandan accents. 

Another thing they say that confuses me every time. “Ok, please.” When they are answering any question instead of just saying “ok” or “yes” they say “ok, please.” Even when its not necessary. For example, our driver, Samuel uses it quite often. When we ask if he can come pick us up at 8 in the morning, instead of saying yes, he says “ok, please.” Throws me off every time. I’m starting to get use to it but still have some adjusting to make. 

And lets talk about how the teachers get the children to listen. In America this would be considered horrible but you have to understand Africa is different and these children are different. A stern “no” simply does not work so they instead use rasher methods. The other day a child in the baby class bit his friend. His friend then proceeded to wail and cry and tell the teacher what happened. As he points out who did it, the teacher tells the child who bit him that she is calling the police because he was a bad child. She proceeds to pick up her phone and pretend to be on the phone with the police telling them about what he did. The whole time he is crying and saying he will never bite his friend again. (Of course he bites him a few minutes later). There is also the more common phrase to make sure the kids know they are doing something wrong. “You are bad children, I hate you. You are not my friend,” or one of my favorites and if you understood what the bathrooms at HUMBLE look like you would understand why this one works so well “you are bad children, if you don’t stop you will sleep on the bathroom floor tonight!.” Every time I literally have to turn my face away to hide my laughter. You also have to know these students know this teacher loves them. She actually is one of the favorites. She tells them everyday that she loves them and if they want to go to the University they just have to try. Now this doesn’t seem like a big deal in America but most students never go to High School, a lot not even elementary school, so making it all the way to the University is a big deal. She teaches them to dream which is probably one of the best qualities a teacher can have and she also gets them to listen. 

Another funny moment. I tried teaching the baby class and top class (3-5 year olds) how to play duck, duck, goose, only instead of calling it that I tried to think of something they would know so I made it goat, goat, cow. Communication, especially with the younger children is really difficult. There is a lot that gets lost in translation. So this game of duck, duck, goose went a little like this. “Goat, goat, goat, goat, goat, cow, cow, cow.” Then children would start chasing that one child, not around the circle but around the school, until finally they would just come find any seat in the circle and sit down smiling triumphantly even though they had been tagged 4 times! With there short little legs and big toothy smiles, it was probably one of my favorite moments. The children loved it too!

Or how about today I’m sitting trying to take care of one of the little girls who was sick. She is sitting in my lap and pretty much asleep at this point, when all of a sudden she gets sick. Not on the floor, not in the trash can, but all over me and my white shirt. Thank the Lord for giving me the grace to not loose my own lunch. So one of the older girls just took me to the bathroom and helped me wash my shirt. Problem solved. The only thing there was to do was laugh. Definitely a moment when you wish you had a change of clothes.

Laughing is just a part of my everyday life here. Laughing when the children run away from the chameleon because they have been told by everyone their whole life that it is poisonous and will kill you. Laughing as they pretend to stick a bug down their friends shirt when really its just grass. Laughing as they make funny faces at me so I can take a picture. Laughing as I stand in front of the class teaching only to realize I’ve been talking to fast and they missed every word. Laughing as the teacher makes me sing a song to teach the kids how to draw it goes like this and yes I’m aware it makes no sense “Shading, shading is in my head. Shading, shading is in my head. Shading, shading is in my head I want to get to UNIVERSITY!” 

There is so much joy to be found here. So many moments that bring laughter and smiles. Even though there are a lot of hard days and some days when I just feel like it is hopeless the good really does out weigh the bad. The smiles really do shine brighter than the frowns and the laughter really does ring louder than the  crying. Everyday has a little of both. Everyday brings something new for the Lord to break my heart for and also for him to bring me joy from. 

Thankful for another day of getting to laugh and cry. Another day of learning the Lord’s heart and discovering that in this life he both laughs with us and cries with us. I’m thankful that I’m learning both of these in a much deeper way than I have ever known before. 

"Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!" Nehemiah 8:10

P.S. Sorry for the grammatical errors. Just wanted to make sure I got all of this one down for you.  

To whom much is given

         Sorry to all for the delay in my blogs. I've been extremely busy and when I'm not, I normally am trying to rest. I finally got the chance to write down some of my thoughts today on our way to Kampala. All of these thoughts are kind of a mix of what I have been feeling more strongly since coming here.
       Life here is a little bit different than home, but it is still life. I still have good days and bad days. Not every day is a day I'm super excited about getting up and going. Not everyday is a day I feel like staying in Africa for another two months. I wasn't magically cured of my laziness or selfishness in a few weeks. These feelings, though they may not seem good, are actually producing much fruit because I'm learning more than ever before that when I am weak, he is strong. When I fall short, he makes the difference. When I'm weary he is my rest. I'm learning to rely on him in a whole new way.
       For example, (some of you may already know this but just to catch every one up to speed) one of the other interns is no longer here in Uganda with us. She decided after feeling a call to go home to the United States to leave us just a short 6 days after we arrived. Now, the work at the school that was meant to be split three ways, is being split two. Now, the community in the house has gone from a balanced three, two a questionable two. Now, while I had made all of these plans, the Lord is showing me he was making his own. All this to say, I'm so glad that Kelsey followed the Lord's call to go home because in doing so she not only followed his calling, but she allowed him to grow me in new ways. She allowed him to show me a little bit more of what it looks like to put my trust in him.
      Or what about just last Saturday. I had a very important conversation I wanted to have with a friend. It was the only time we would be able to talk for another month. The unfortunate part was that the power had been out for about two days and as a result my computer had almost no battery left. It was 7:30 and we were suppose to skype at 8, so I did what I so rarely have to do in the states. I prayed for the Lord to turn the power on at 8 o'clock. Rarely do I have to rely on him for these types of things back home. I just go and do because I can and usually without little thought to what a blessing it is that I have been given. So guess what happened. At 8 o'clock the power came back on.
       His love for me is overwhelming and humbling. He loves me in the little things. He turns the power on when I need it. He sends a word of encouragement when I'm tired. He is a Father who provides abundantly for his children. He gives them all that they need to live lives glorifying to him.
       And that last sentence, please don't get lost in what I said. He gives us what we need to glorify him! I don't always get what I want or even in my eyes what I need. But who does? No, the Lord gives me exactly what I need to glorify him and bless others. He is a gracious, loving Father. Jesus himself says so in Matthew
"Seek first the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything that you need." 6:33
"You parents, if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will you heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." 7:9-11
It also says in 2 Peter 1:3 "By his divine power God has given us everything that we need for living a Godly life."
         He really is all that we need. That is the biggest lesson I am learning here. Instead of just being head knowledge, he is writing it on the tablet of my heart. Silly story again, but just a little bit of how my character is changing. The other day my mac book started acting up and for a few hours (being fully charged before and everything) it would not turn on no matter what I did. I seriously thought it was broken and you know what's weird is that I didn't stress out. Back home I would have freaked out because I definitely don't have the money to buy a new one for school. I would have wondered how in the world I would be able to do school for so long without one, but here I just said oh well, the Lord will figure something out. I didn't mind the thought of spending extra time at the library working on a paper, or asking if I could borrow someones, because in all reality it really wasn't a big deal. It really didn't matter. It did not matter, not in the sense that I'm one of those rich kids who, when they break something, think it is no big deal because Mom and Dad will get a new one. It didn't matter because I realized to allow myself to stress over something so frivolous as a laptop was silly. It is not a need, though I definitely before would have thought otherwise. It is a blessing. (Also, don't worry it of course started working a few hours later).
      The only need that I have is the Lord. He is the one who gives a life worth living. Not food, shelter, clothes, clean water. He really is it. He is everything. It doesn't matter if I have any of the rest because if I don't have him I'm dead anyways. He will give me exactly what I need to glorify him. But the thing that is beautiful is that the love of the Father is so great he blesses me everyday with these things. Because of his love I have food, shelter, internet, friends, family, laptops, phones, a bible, a place to worship, a bed to sleep in. He has blessed me abundantly and to those who are richly blessed there is a call to richly give. He has called me to love the orphaned, widowed, poor, broken by blessing them with whatever I have. A hug, scripture, food, clothing, a bed to sleep in, a ride. While he doesn't need me to fulfill these blessings in the lives of others he chooses to use me. How humbled can you be. So many Americans go overseas and get upset when people ask for money, saying to themselves I really don't have that much to give, but that is a lie. It is a lie I myself have had to fight against believing too. We in America are so richly blessed. We are over flowing in blessings. Education, power, safe drinking water, easy access to food, electronics, homes, beds, abundance of clothes, shoes, medical care, loving friends and family. We are richly blessed and are abundantly selfish with those blessings. Which also leads us to rarely relying on the Lord or giving credit where credit is due to any of the things we have been blessed with. We don't allow him to use us for things which he intended. It says in James 2:5-6  that the poor are blessed with an abundance of faith and will be the ones to inherit the kingdom of God, while the rich will complain that they don't have enough.
      Ashamed hardly describes my feelings for my own selfishness and the country I call home. However, the Lord is good. He has called me out of shame and into the light. So instead of allowing the enemy to come in and tell me it will never change, I'm allowing it to change my heart to one that the Lord desires. A heart to give up everything to follow him. I still don't always understand. Sometimes I have half a mind to take a semester off of school and just stay here and be used by the Lord in whatever way possible. Sometimes I want to get on a plane and come home tomorrow. Sometimes I don't understand what the Lord is doing. Why would he let a child see her Father's murder? Why would he bring me all the way to Africa only to do exactly the opposite of what I thought he would do? Why do children go hungry every day when we throw away so much food? Why is so much given to some and so little to others? Unfortunately even with all the Lord has revealed to me while here, I still haven't been able to answer these questions or met someone who has.
     In part, I feel that as Americans we are completely unworthy of what the Lord has blessed us with. As a church we are more concerned with the new, modern technology than those who have yet to hear the gospel in the 10/40 window. As a church in America we live such comfortable lives, in luxury, style, and wealth while some of our sisters and brothers in Uganda are dying from malaria simply because they can't afford the medicine or they sit at home because their parents can't afford the few dollars a month to send them to school. Back home, most of us spend daily what it costs to send a Ugandan child to school for 3 months. We have taken the opportunity of abundance that  the Lord has given us and instead hoarded it all for ourselves.

      I think my biggest fear in coming home is that I will too easily forget what I have seen and heard during my time here.  I will too quickly get over the culture shock and forget. Even as a college student I have access to more funds at my part time job than a majority of the people here or elsewhere in the world. So what if I eat ramen a few more times instead of going out or don't get the newest iPhone. I want to give the way Christ has called me to: abundantly, and without reservation, in love, using all the wisdom he has given me. Instead of living in fear that I won’t change my life style or my spending when I get back, I'm going to try to take it one day at a time. I pray that I'll still accept the Lord's blessings and will pray I won't resent them but I will be abundantly thankful for life and every blessing I'm given. I pray that I'll turn back and use that which he has blessed me with for the very purpose it was first given, to bless others and glorify him. I want to use the car he has blessed me with to help out those who don't have one. I want to use the money I make at my part time job to help send one of my precious kids at Humble to school for another year. I want to spend my free time not sitting around being a college student and complaining about tests and school work, but serving and loving those in the community around me. I'm tired of the excuse, "I'll wait to live my life like that when I have more money, more time, and maybe when I'm older or in a different county," because the Lord has blessed me now with time, money, and people who need to be blessed around me. Yes, I'm 20. Yes, I don't make more than minimum wage. Yes, I spend most of my time at school, studying. And guess what - this is still no excuse. To whom much is given, much is required and I'm realizing more and more just how much I have been given and how much is required of me. It is a blessing to be blessed by the Lord to in turn bless others.

       I hope that even though you are not here with me to see and hear what I am seeing and hearing,  that you will still look into your own lives and see where you can give, where you can use your blessings to bless others, where you are making excuse that just cannot be made. Let's stop hoarding our blessings for fear we won't have them tomorrow and start being the man who went out and invested what his master gave him. I don't want to be the servant who buried everything in the dirt for fear of losing it. I want to be the servant, who used what the master had given him and who was in turn blessed even more.  I want my master to say when my work is done, "Well done my good and faithful servant." (story and scripture from Matthew 25:14-30)

      And guess what, I've only been here three weeks :). I can't wait to see what the Lord will continue to do as my time proceeds. Please pray for my heart to be continually changed,  for my desires to become the Lords and for my heart to be willing to give.  Even more, please pray for our church in America. Please pray that we will start using our blessings the way the Lord intended. Also be on the lookout for new blogs. I might be talking about some ways that you can give to HUMBLE and bless in the very way I have just written about.

Luke 12:48 "When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required."

Home is Where the Heart Is

Well, life in Uganda is a whirlwind of smells, sights, feelings, and people. I can’t believe I have already been here a whole week. Since I skipped over all the details of what my life here looks like in my previous blog, I will give you some today. Besides the two wonderful interns who accompanied me here to Uganda, we also have a fourth roommate. Traci is wonderful! She has been here for 5 months and is such an encouragement to all of us and so full of wisdom. We found out she would be living with us for a few weeks on the plane ride over and despite our surprise the Lord could not have worked it out more perfectly. We are going to miss her so much when she leaves us next week, but we are excited she will finally get to see family and friends from home. It won’t be quite the same but we our trusting the Lord to continue to show us his plan while we are here. We also have 3 lovely neighbors. Jennifer is also from the North Georgia Conference and is a long term missionary here working with the East African conference. She has been a great help in getting us settled. Our other neighbors are so sweet and loving and accept us even with all of our crazy American ways. Sam and Eva are from Kenya and could not be more welcoming and generous to us. Eva said she will be our mother while we are here and that we can always come knocking on her door. Her husband, Sam works for the East African Conference. I’m excited to get to know them better. Eva even said she is going to teach me how to wash my clothes (not with a washer machine) and how to kill and prepare a chicken properly! It will definitely be a taste of Uganda that I can’t get any where else. 

Outside of our apartment is a little garden that Sam and Eva have made and tons of little baby chicks and their mommas running around. My favorite part of where we live though is what lies directly outside of our compound. We have ventured out of those doors a few times to see the little village. The children in this village do not speak English, but that does not stop us from loving on them, hugging them, taking their pictures (which they love!) and playing games. We have learned a little Luganda (native language spoken here) while we have been here and they get so excited when we are able to say things to them. I'm sure its because we are probably butchering the pronunciation but they smile none the less. This is all just my life outside of school. 

          Every day I head to HUMBLE at 9 and start a day full of teaching. Though I came here expecting to teach science experiments, I knew I should really expect anything, and anything is what I have gotten. I start my morning by teaching algebra to the 5th grade. Then we eat breakfast at 10:30 (porridge). I go straight from there to the 6th grade class where I  teach science. Currently we are learning about plants, which is quite interesting considering I don’t know much about plants in Uganda, but the Lord is always faithful. He has blessed me with somehow remembering the information I learned so long ago and the children just not asking me questions about the rest. Tuesday was interesting as I wasn’t really suppose to be teaching yet. I ended up teaching anyways so they learned all about atoms and I learned all about dancing in Africa. By the end of class they now knew that atoms had electrons, protons, and neutrons, and I knew how to sing and dance and get laughed at in front of 35 6th graders. After teaching them for an half and a half we then eat lunch. Lunch is the same every day. It is a lovely portion of posho and beans. This translates to grits that do not move and red beans with juice. I want to eat with them. I want to show them that I love them by living the way they do, but if I must confess something kind of silly, it's pretty hard. Ask my mom. I hate grits. I hated them when I was younger and I still am not a huge fan today. The Lord is showing me how to love in the little things. Like eating a plate of posho and beans that just doesn't quite want to go down. I'm learning :). After my time with them I then get to go hang out with what they call the baby class. It is like our pre-k class. Most of the children are 3-4 years old and they are so great! They don't really speak english so this is how most of our encounters go. They run and chase me, pull me down so they can grab my hand and see my white skin, all the while screaming Muzungoo (white person) at the top of their lungs and I love every minute of it! 

           I love getting to love on the people here. I love not knowing what I'm going to do when I arrive at school. I love the fact that when I think I have it all figured out the Lord says not quite. I love the fact that I have to trust him with every moment. Most of all I love the fact that I feel at home here. When I was in Malawi some years ago I remember standing with some of the women and children one day as we sang and danced together. The spirit of the Lord fell at that moment and I distinctly recall the feeling of home, of knowing you were exactly where the Lord called you to be. This may not be where I will reside forever, but home is being directly in the center of God's will for your life. Home for me, right now, is in Mukono, Uganda singing, dancing, laughing, and crying with a bunch of children. Home is sitting at the compound, trying to take a shower when all of the sudden the lights go out. Home is laughing at myself as 30 little boys out run me and show me up while playing soccer. Home is crying while I think of the fact I have two more months before I see my family, friends, and Drew. Home is craving a big plate of my Mom's spaghetti. Home is right here and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Pray for the Lord to continue to grow me, to stretch me, and to use me! I want to hear his voice in every situation. I want to know his guiding hand in every step. Pray for just a closeness with him. 

P.S. I know I told you guys I would be sending thank you's from Uganda, but I have some bad news. Mail doesn't really exist here. What I mean to say is if I did send it, you would most likely never see it or if you did it would be a few months from now. I'm figuring out a way to get them to you all. Until then, please know how truly grateful and thankful I am. After all, you have brought me home. 

Restorer of Streets to Dwell In

So much is going on here. Funny things and big things and scary things, but God is good. You know I could give you a long tutorial on what has happened the past 3 days, but that in my opinion would be a waste of my time and yours. Instead I will share what the Lord is doing in my heart.

We arrived in Uganda and just like when I went to Malawi some years ago, I was struck by the poverty that surrounded me, the sickness, dirtiness, and filth. When we arrived some of the things we had were a little bit different than what we expected. My human heart was honestly a little bit angry. I was frustrated about the situation. We went and ran errands today to gather things we needed and I was tired. Call it jet-lag, but I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep. As we drove around the streets I looked out the window thinking, “what have I gotten myself in to?” We passed little children wandering around in tattered clothes by themselves because their parents can’t afford to send them to school. We saw many people bargaining what they had to offer to try to make a living for their family. We saw people who have been through more than I could ever imagine and as we passed them I didn’t even see them.

Greed. I’m realizing how much this is apart of my life. I’m humbled and broken before my Lord. How can I be frustrated about the few little luxuries I don’t have when I’m surrounded by such poverty. How can I feel anything but gratefulness when I get to purchase items that many here will never have available to them. I stood before my God like a little girl with tears in her eyes because she is missing that one piece of candy at Halloween. 

I am selfish and greedy at times. I am broken and humbled, but I am also a new creation. The Lord didn’t point his finger at me and say you are no longer my child. He didn’t condemn me to forever being a greedy selfish person. He said I love you. Let me show you how I want you to love others. Let me show you how I want to change your heart to one of love. Let me help. 

I am far from perfection, but I know the one perfecting my faith and I am certain he will take this job to completion. Wherever he leads me I will follow. When he needs to mold me I will be moldable, and when he needs to use be I will be usable. Perfect I will never be, on this earth. Humbled with a servants heart is all I can hope to be. Pray for me to be continually humbled and for my heart of love for these people to continue to grow. 

Here is a little bit of the Lord’s message to me tonight it comes from Isaiah 58.

“Cry aloud, do not hold back, lift up your voice like a trumpet, declare to my people their transgression, to the house of Jacob their sins. Yet they seek me daily and delight to know my ways, as if they were a nation that did righteousness and did not forsake the judgment of their God; they ask of righteous judgements; they delight to draw near to God. 

'Why have we fasted an you see it not? 

Why have we humbled ourselves and you take no knowledge of it?'

Behold in the day of your fast you seek your own pleasure and oppress all your workers. Behold you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to hit with a wicked fist. Fasting like yours this day will not make your voice to be heard on high. Is such the fast that I choose, a day for a person to humble himself? Is it to bow down his head like a reed and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him? Will you call this a fast and a day acceptable to the Lord? 

Is not this the fast that I choose:

to loose the bonds of the wickedness,

to undo the straps of the yoke, 

to let the oppressed go free 

and to break every yoke?

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry 

and bring the homeless poor into your house;

when you see the naked, to cover him 

and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call and the Lord will answer, you shall cry and he will say “Here I am.”... If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guard you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.”

• Isaiah 58: 1-12

I go to HUMBLE tomorrow for Church and start serving there on Monday. Please pray also for rest and readiness for the weeks to come.