A few weeks ago I wrote a blog about how my kids had learned to live with much or little, referencing Philippians 4 as Christ was all they need. Thank goodness the Lord is teaching me not just through other’s examples but through personal experience. This might sound like a strange thankfulness, but how many get to experience God being all they need in the toughest of times. The times I’m calling tough really pale in comparison to others, but none the less my God is faithful and persistent in my life.
Thursday night Natalee woke up with a high fever. From 2:30 that morning until tonight I have been fighting to figure out what the Lord’s purpose is for me here. She is sick. I’m sick. My flesh just longs for home. I long to feel the comfort and love of my family. I long for rest and American food and medicine that I know I can trust. I’m not normally a homesick individual, but these last few days have changed my mind. Tonight as I finally got a chance to consult the Lord in all of this he whispered in my heart to go read Psalms 23. I had just finished journaling asking the Lord to help me rely on him for strength, love, comfort, rest, and peace. When I finished pouring out my heart to the Lord I turned to the very familiar scripture. This whole summer the Lord has been continually speaking this verse over me. I couldn’t figure out why. Yes, it is poetic and beautiful but I’ve heard it time and time again. Haven’t you? I have grown numb to just the depth of what it means.
“The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.”
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.”
This is why the Lord kept speaking it to my heart this summer. Every need, every desire within me, he is teaching me to let him fill. When I’m exhausted from a long day of work, or driving all over Uganda trying to find Doctors, he is my rest. When my heart is anxious over what the outcome of all of this will be, he is my peace. When I’m weak and weary from fighting off different African diseases, he is my strength. He walks closely with me when all is dark around me and I don’t know where to go. When I’m lonely, he comforts me. When I’m driving down the roads of Mukono, he protects me. When the enemy attacks and tells me I can’t do it, he prepares a feast for me in his word. When I need love, his follows me all the days of my life.
So, yes, I’m so thankful and grateful to be learning this lesson. I’m learning to allow him to be all that I need in a way I never have before. I’ll try to keep you all posted on the health status of Natalee and myself, but until then just pray for the Lord to continually show both of us just how deep his love is. Pray that he would continually show us what it means to live.
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