Home Away From Home

Hey everyone! Incase you didn’t already know I did make it home safely from my two months in Uganda. To catch you up to speed as to what has happened in the past two weeks, I said goodbye to the children, teachers, and adults, I saw some elephants, giraffes, and hippos, and I boarded a plane for the Atlanta airport. The goodbyes were some of the hardest I have ever had to make. I can’t quite describe to you what it feels like to leave children that you have come to love with your whole heart and who you have created a mutual dependance with. If ever I felt the sensation of being a Mother it was when I had to wipe their tears as I said goodbye. I literally thought I was going to break. Natalee and I cried during our closing ceremony as the children sang us farewell songs and celebrated our time their. We cried as we said goodbye to the first route of children leaving on the bus. We did hold it together some. We didn’t completely break down sobbing then. We hugged their necks and laughed and cried and made sure they knew just how much we loved them. Then we got in the car. The moment we started pulling away from the school for the last time was when the heavens opened up. Our poor driver, Jackson, was trying to drive down the road as these two young, white, girls are a sobbing mess. Not that the moment was laughable, but I’m sure we were definitely a site for all the people we drove past. 

I think what made this goodbye so different than any other I have made before was that I felt like these children had a need for me or at least someone like me. A need for a loving, caring parent who would hold them when they cried, bandaged their scraped knee, sing them to sleep when they had a nightmare, kiss them on the forehead before they went to bed, make them chocolate chip cookies after a big test, love them no matter what they did wrong. This goodbye was just different. When I say goodbye to my families and friends I know that they will miss me, but they will be fine whether I am there or not. When I said goodbye to these children the look in their eyes was one of abandonment and it sure felt like I was. It still breaks my heart to think about. 

So I went home with the conviction that I would not forget them. I wouldn’t forget their smiling faces or their grief stricken ones. I wouldn’t forget their joy and blessings or their sorrow and needs. I would come home and figure out what I could do to help them from here since God has called me home. I kept waiting for that moment of intense culture shock to happen when I got home. I kept waiting for the moment I would break down because of the overwhelming differences in the place I just lived for two months and the place I was born. It didn’t happen the moment I stepped into the Atlanta airport. It didn’t happen when I ate my first meal at Ingleside Village Pizza. It didn’t even happen when I first walked in to wal-mart or even at Old Navy. It waited until today in the middle of the Verizon store.

So before I tell you this I just want to go ahead and apologize if you have tried to call me or text me since I have gotten home and not heard anything back. My phone decided before I left that it was going to do what it wanted, when it wanted and I just decided to wait to get a new one until I got home. So I went with my Mom today to pick out a new one. My plan was to go in and get the cheapest, most reliable phone possible. I didn’t want to spend money on a nice new phone, I just wanted something that would work. I walked into the store and began to look around. Prices seem to have skyrocketed since I left. I asked the sales clerk who was helping us what the cheapest, most reliable phone was that they had. She kind of smiled at me and said what you see is what we have. I looked at her a little confused because all of the phones I saw seemed to be phones that required a data plan, a data plan that I neither needed nor wanted to spend money on. I then proceeded to ask her if they had any phones that didn’t require data packages. This time she laughed at me and said “No, all of our phones now require data packages.” At this point I’m frustrated. I don’t want to spend money that I could spend helping send one of my kids to school on a stupid data package that I don’t need. My Mom walks in at this point and begins conversing with the sales lady. I sit back as they begin discussing because I mean what am I going to do, tell the sales clerk this is just not acceptable because I just spent two months in Uganda and the thought of spending $120 for a phone makes me cringe. By the time their decision is coming to an end they have helped eliminate every phone in the store but two. One phone is priced at $90 and the other $120. I sat there for a good 5 minutes trying to decide which phone to get. The latter one was an iphone and would make it really easy to synch my laptop and i-pod to. As my Mom is telling me the pro’s to spending the extra $30 on the i-phone I’m standing there fighting back the tears. Why do I have to spend $120 on a phone that would send my sweet little Evelyne to school for a semester? Why do I have to make this decision? Why can’t I just be back in Uganda sitting with my kids in the classroom laughing about how strange body hair is or that my skin has freckles on it?

That moment hit. I asked my Mom if I could go sit in the car for a few minutes before I decided what I wanted to do. She, being the wise woman that she is, said no. She knew that if I went and got in the car, those tears that were threatening to spill over would come crashing down and I would probably just end up not getting a phone and still not being able to communicate with anyone. So I did it. I bought the i-phone and the whole time I had these mixed feelings of being excited at finally having a new phone and feeling extremely guilty.

Why is it that I can buy a smart phone while I just met children who couldn’t buy a meal to feed themselves? Why did God choose me to be the one placed in a loving, Christian family where I have all that I could ever need or want when there are so many who die from lack of proper medical care or sanitary conditions or just plain malnutrition? Is it honestly enough to say that God is all they need and leave it at that? It is really ok as a Christ follower to justify the excessive amount of money I spend on pointless things when my brothers and sisters are starving by saying Christ is all the food they need? No, it isn’t. It isn’t ok and... that is ok. It is ok for me to cry in the middle of the Verizon store about buying an i-phone. It is ok that my heart breaks to think about the children who don’t have food, clothing, shelter, or just the love of a parent. It is more than ok because that is the very heart of our Father. His heart is to feed the hungry, heal the wounded, fix the broken, father the orphaned, and love the lonely. His heart is what I want mine to be. I can’t quite explain to you how it feels to be home. How can you be so happy and so broken at the same time? How can you be so happy that your church is getting focused on missions and so sad at the same time by the new chairs they purchased that you are sitting in? I can’t explain it to you because you haven’t seen the church buildings with no chairs or even walls for that matter. You haven’t seen the children whose needs are the basics, none of which include a new phone. 

I don’t quite know where I am going with this blog post. Mainly its more an update on me. On how it feels to be overjoyed to see friends and family and feel guilty at the same time for doing it. I know guilt is not from the Lord but I know this broken heart is. Right now I’m trying to figure out where the two meet in the middle. Let me know if you all figure it out. In the mean time I’m going to keep letting my heart be broken for the broken. 

Slumber Parties and Goodbyes!

Tonight Natalee and I got the amazing opportunity to spend the night with the girls in their dorm. I'm not quite sure why we didn't do it sooner. We have laughed so much and it has been great to get some free time with them. I can hardly believe that tomorrow is my last day at HUMBLE. The great impact these children have had on me can't quite be put into words. They tell me that they will never forget me, but I will never forget them. I'm already planning in my head just what it will take to come back. I think what is hardest about this goodbye is knowing that I am just one more person they have to say goodbye to. So many of them have had to say goodbye to so many different people in their lives. P.5 graciously offered to hide Natalee and I under the beds in the dorms so we wouldn't have to go home. They don't know how tempting that is, but I know God has a season for everything and my season at HUMBLE is coming to an end.
This summer has been a summer full of laughter, smiles, tears of joy and heartbreak, singing, and anything else you can imagine 350 school children doing on a regular basis. I have bandaged scraped knees, dried many tears, sang along to many songs, told them I love them over and over again, spoken God's word to them, climbed trees, eaten berries, written on many chalk boards, spoken many Luganda words incorrectly, cried many tears myself, and loved every single minute of it. I have loved being directly in the middle of God's will for my life. I love that he brought me here to love others but also to teach me more than I could have ever learned by myself.
He knew 5 months ago when it was looking like I wasn't going to be able to come that he still had it planned for me to be here, right now, sleeping in a bed next to my beautiful sisters in Christ under my mosquito net. He knew that it wasn't going to be exactly what I expected but so, so much more. How is it that my God loves me so much that even when he sends me to go minister to others he still allows me to be loved on too. My heart is breaking at the thought of leaving these kids. I know it may sound crazy to those of you at home but honestly the idea of adoption has never been so forefront in my mind. This doesn't come from my own heart. It comes from the Father's heart for the orphaned, poor, and oppressed. It comes from the Father breaking my heart for what breaks his. He is father to the fatherless and provider to the empty handed. I know that the time for this is not now, but in my heart I already have too many little faces that are etched there forever.
I'm going to miss their rich voices singing "Oh my God is gooder!" I'm going to miss the little babies crying out "Mzungu, teacher Ashwee!" I'm going to miss the laughter that follows one of the Reverends sermons as he tells a crazy story to the children. I'm going to miss the feel of 12 children surrounding me all trying to hold my hand at the same time. I'm going to miss drying their tears that seem to come at the most unexpected moments. I'm going to miss them laughing at me as I try to play netball barefoot. I'm going to miss the breaking and rebuilding of my heart the Lord has done everyday since I have been here as he shows me more of their pain and more of his healing hand.
Tomorrow is our last day at HUMBLE. We will say our goodbyes and then Friday morning head out early to see some of Uganda's beautiful wild life. Sunday we will worship in Gulu and then Monday morning I will be leaving the beautiful continent of Africa to come home to you all. As some of you may have noticed this is a little bit sooner than what was originally planned.  With all that has occurred in both Natalee's health and my own during our time here, as well as logistically with us starting school so soon, our parents, the conference, and ourselves have made the joint decision that the summer needed to end a little bit early. Natalee and I have declared that this just obviously means another trip back must take place! So tomorrow Natalee and myself could both use a little prayer as we say our goodbyes to these children that have stolen our hearts. More importantly though if you would be in prayer for the children that though they will miss us the Lord will quickly fill their hearts with his joy, love, and peace. See you all soon. As I have said before, thank you does not quite cover just how indebted I am to you all for your love, prayers, and support of me during my time here. Since I will be home a few days before I have to leave for Athens again I would love to answer any questions all of you have about my time here. Even though the Lord sent me here I feel like the messages he has taught me are meant to be shared. As I arrive home I will continue to keep all of you updated on the transition from culture to culture as well as sharing some more of the things the Lord has taught me and I have experienced that I have not gotten to write about yet. It is bittersweet to say I will be seeing you soon!

Everything is Daisies and Sunshine

I’ve solved all the world’s problems! Thank you all for sending me here because I have now fixed the extreme poverty here, placed all of the orphans in homes, killed all of the malaria infested mosquitos, and even managed to decrease emission levels. 

Don’t believe me? Haha today Natalee and I went to Jinja and had a beautiful day near the Nile and hanging out in the town center. When we were at a local coffee shop we ran into a mission team from Australia. As we were talking with them, one of the ladies said how difficult it would be to go home because of people’s questions. When I asked her what she meant she said “People will ask me how was Uganda and expect me to say that it was great! When really it was hard and challenging and not the easiest thing to see such poverty, devastation, and hunger.” When she spoke those words it immediately made me think of all of my blog posts. Natalee and I were discussing it on the way home. We both felt like a lot of what we have shared with you all hasn’t always been the happy, saving the world one day at a time thoughts. Instead you have gotten the raw reality of what doing life is like here. You have seen what it looks like to get to know children who have experienced major devastation and still praise the Lord. You have seen what it looks like to be in a culture that is so different from ours that its hard to understand and comprehend and can sometimes be really frustrating. You have seen what it looks like to spend 10 hour days at school and then come home and have to cook and clean the African way and still try to make time to plan lessons. You have seen what it looks like to deal with sickness here. You have even seen, whether you realize it or not, a lot more than this that is just reflected in my blog posts. It isn’t always easy. It isn’t always fun. It is the reality of serving the Lord and it is so, so good! Even with all of the hard days I wouldn’t trade a single lesson I have learned here. Even with all of the sadness I wouldn’t trade a moment with a single person I have met. When Paul is talking of his trips to all different countries he doesn’t say “I had a fabulous time and was so comfortable in my lavish living conditions and welcomed by everyone I met!” No, he was chased out of cities, stoned by locals, put in prison, bit by snakes, shipwrecked on islands and Paul said “By God’s grace and mighty power I have been given the Privilege of serving him and spreading the Good News.” Ephesians 3:7 He considered the hardships he experienced to be little in comparison of the joy of getting to serve the Lord. 

What does this mean for me? It means that its ok my blog posts aren’t always titled “Everything is Daisies and Sunshine.” It means that my time here is beautiful in the fact that Christ is teaching me what it looks like to struggle for his kingdom, too. It means that every hard day is still a good day because I’m learning what it looks like to truly serve the Lord in the way that he has called me to overseas (even if it takes me a couple days or even weeks of reflection to see it). This trip has looked a lot different than my Malawi trip and less of what I expected it to look like. My Malawi trip was fantastic in allowing me a taste of African culture and getting to see the Lord move in mighty ways. This trip has allowed me to see what is looks like to live here and do life here and see God in the middle of the hard stuff. I go to the market and buy groceries and barter to get the right prices. I budget out my money to make sure I have enough for paying the power bill, groceries, and gas money. I plan what my day will look like, what lessons I will teach, and what all I need to do when I get home. I figure out what needs to happen if Natalee gets really sick and I have to communicate with everyone to figure out how to get home (Obviously all of these decisions are done with Natalee, but you get my point). 

This is doing life in a different country. It is hard. It is challenging. It is so beautiful! So, please don’t be discouraged by the hard things in my blog posts. Be encouraged, because I’m learning what life is like here! I’m learning what it means to trust God! I’m learning that struggling is a part of being a servant of Christ and it is a beautiful part! All of what I have shared up until now was so you all could experience what I was experience, see what I saw, and live what I have been living. The good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the entirety of what you helped send me here to do. So, no I haven’t solved all of the world’s problems. I haven’t figured out world poverty, hunger, disease, or pollution. I have learned that serving the Lord is beautiful and difficult. You don’t always see results, but you trust in the one who knows the outcome. 

“Don’t be intimidated in any way by your enemies. This will be a sign to them that they are going to be destroyed, but that you are going to be saved, even by God himself. For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him. We are in this struggle together. You have seen my struggle in the past, and you know that I am still in the midst of it.” Philippians 1:28-30 It is a privilege to be here and serve the Lord, and it is a privilege to experience the difficulties that come with it. Thank you all for loving me and learning with me. “The Lord is good all the time and all the time the Lord is good. That’s his nature. Wow.” This is a phrase we say every time after we have worship with the children. He is good. All of the time. I’m learning that on both the bad days and the good days. Glad that you all are learning it with me! 

My heart of love for you all grows more and more every day as does my heart of love for the people here. I truly am so blessed and overjoyed to have been given the privilege of serving the Lord here. He continually shows me his heart for the people here, and though I can’t fix everything, I can pray about everything and trust that he is big enough! Thank you for your continued prayer and support as I finish out my time here in Uganda. 

"Oh My God is Gooder!"

So here is a factual update since I've been pretty bad at thoughs! Sorry about that! My trip to Jinja to see Melissa was fantastic! We had a great day hanging out around town. We at in the town center and looked at the different shops and then headed back to where she was staying. There I got to meet some of her team. They are pretty amazing and it was great to hear their stories of how their camp is going in Kenya. Be praying for them as they finish up their last few weeks of camp. I also got to rope swing into the Nile! It was pretty amazing! I swam in the same water as Baby Moses :). It was a little more in my comfort zone than rafting since 1. I've never been rafting and 2. it's actually against the rules for my internship. I was a little worried though about crocodiles nibbling on my toes, but I just couldn't pass up the experience! It's a little bit different than the Botanical Gardens in Athens and quite a bit bigger. We had a great day laughing and sharing what the Lord was doing in our hearts.
After Wednesday was when all of the sickness hit. Natalee woke up with a high fever at 2:30 Friday morning. I'm not going to lie, I was a little worried because if her fever were to increase at all, ambulances aren't really a hot commodity around here and people don't really answer their phones at 2:30 in the morning. The next few days were followed with many different Doctors appointments with little success. As of right now we are still not really sure what she had. She didn't really start improving until yesterday and their were some pretty scary diagnosis that had us worried we just might be on a plane back to America. Not only that, but Saturday morning, the day her Mother was suppose to fly out with the Cross Roads team, I had some issues of my own. Needless to say Natalee's mother, thank goodness, ended up delaying her flight and is now scheduled to fly out tomorrow. We could not be more grateful and thankful for her presence here. The Lord as always had perfect timing. Please pray for her as she travels home tomorrow for safety and peace. I'm also so thankful to say that as of right now both Natalee and myself are doing better. Natalee is recovering quite nicely and still getting lots of rest. Please continue to pray for a full recovery so that we can spend the last bit of our time here doing the Lord's work.
Even with the craziness of the past few days I have still had some pretty amazing moments. With the Cross Roads team from Virginia being here I have learned a lot about how HUMBLE school began and more about the little nuts and bolts that hold it together. It was great getting to learn more about their heart for the children and more about everything the Lord has allowed them to do. Not only that, but they also let us borrow Natalee's Mom a time or two just for spend the night parties at the compound.
I have also had some fantastic days with the children. Today I climbed a tree with the kids and tried to relive my childhood a little bit instead of turning into the worried teacher who is nervous the kids are going to fall. We laughed as we dropped down berries for the other kids to eat. Basically if you can imagine what happens at a child's birthday party when the pinata breaks and all the kids go flocking to the ground, it was the same concept. I even ate a couple myself after much persistence from the children and a quick prayer that I wouldn't be regretting it tomorrow. I've also gotten the opportunity to go and visit one of the local villagers we buy vegetables from. She had been sick and I went with the missionary, Jennifer, to go visit her and make sure she was getting better. We got to pray over her and encourage her in the Lord. It was my first opportunity to be invited into someone's home here besides Jennifer's and Sam and Eva's. I felt so privileged and it will be one of those prized moments I remember when I go home.
At the school it has been a little crazy as far as classes go. The students are basically done with their term 2 material so classes get out earlier and we have more time to play. I love it! It gives me more time to talk to the students and get to know them. It has been so beautiful to get to move past my label of "Mzungu." Not just in the sense that they now know my name, but also in the sense that they know I'm their because I love them. One of the biggest blessings I have been given since I've been here was a few words spoken by one of the children. Whenever we are playing outside and I hear any cries from any child I always go running to make sure everything is ok. It normally is. Typically someone either bit or pushed their friend but that doesn't stop my heart from picking up its pace as I think of just how many things they do here that if I had children of my own I probably wouldn't let them do. One day after I went running to check on one of the children, one of them asked me "You really care about us, don't you?" That is the whole reason I came. My heart was to be the hands and feet of Christ by loving these children out of the overflow of my heart. It is the biggest blessing to know that they know I really do care about them because Christ first cared about me.
Even with all of the hard things that have happened this summer, all of the unexpected, God has been moving in my heart and in the hearts of these children. It is beautiful to see the Lord using each of us to teach each other. It hasn't looked exactly as I thought it would. God's plans normally don't, but I have learned so much. I've learned more about the call the Lord has placed on my life for overseas missions. I have learned more about the giftings he has given me with teaching and working with children. I have learned more about his overwhelming love for myself and those all around me. As one of the songs the children often sing goes "Oh my God is gooder!" As the summer starts to draw to an end, I can't quite imagine what it will be like to say goodbye to all of these beautiful children. Now I fully understand why Katie Davis, author of "Kisses From Katie" had such a hard time leaving and now has adopted 12 Ugandan children. I've already told Evelyn, one of my Primary 6 girls that she is hiding in my suitcase on the way home! Please pray for the Lord to continue to show me how to use my last couple of weeks here to further his kingdom the most and to show these children they are loved by an amazing Father. Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

Broken and Fixed

Shouldn’t I know these things by now? Shouldn’t I be able to do this all on my own? Shouldn’t I be able to try to make decisions in a stressful situation and still take into account others and love them and be encouraging? 

The last few days have required me to act more like an adult than probably anything up to this point. How did I handle it? I took charge and freaked out and tried to make sure all the decisions were made without hearing the advice of those around me. (This is an update from Saturday night as a lot has happened in those few short days). Instead of seeing the extra things those around me thought we should do as helpful or listening I shut down because I felt I already had a full plate and could handle no more. Is this how Christ expects us to treat others? Of course not. Even in the scariest of times, even in the darkest of times, when decisions need to be made fast we are still called to love. It isn’t love when I don’t listen. It isn’t love when I shut down. It isn’t love when I snap back because I’m frustrated. 

I asked God today why I couldn’t do it all at the same time. Why did I fall so short of being able to make all of these decisions and do it lovingly? Why did I mess up again? Why is it that most of what he has been teaching me here is the same thing, that I need to trust him and he is all I need? So today I’m sitting before him crying as I realize him continually making me aware of my need for him. I can’t do it all. I’m so imperfect. I can’t handle the situations perfectly and quite honestly I hate it! I hate the fact that I am not always kind, wise, caring, loving, compassionate. I hate that I can be selfish, mean, short tempered, foolish, and not compassionate. I hate it because I want to be like Christ but I also hate it because I can’t be all of those good things by myself. I hate that I can’t do it on my own. It makes me feel like all the work the Lord has been doing in me isn’t working because I still haven’t figured it out. 

So what does the Lord remind me this morning. He says to me in Proverbs “My child don’t reject [my] discipline and don’t be upset when [I] correct you. For [I] correct those [I] love, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” 3:11-12. “Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom instead fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.” 3:7-8. “Trust in [me] with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek [my] ways in all you do and [I] will show you which path to take.” 3:5-6. “You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly. You need not to be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for [I am] your security. [I] will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.” 3:24-26. In one chapter of scripture the Lord prepared a feast for me. 

He provided yet again. It is ok that I’m not perfect. I won’t be until Christ’s return as Philippians 1:6 “And I am certain that God who began a good work within you, will continue his work until is is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” This is good. As Paul talks of our imperfections allow us to always remember our need for Christ. “‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness’. So now I am glad  to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9. 

I asked the Lord to stretch and grow me like never before this summer. I asked him to show me how to depend on him in a whole new way. I thought that meant listening to his voice as I went out and did amazing things for his kingdom. I thought it meant seeing amazing results as I listened to his voice and followed where it took me. I didn’t realize it meant he was going to humble me in such a beautiful way time and time again. I feel as if I have written this same blog post over and over again. I need him. I need him. I need him. Today he reminded me that is ok. He loves me. If I wasn’t being disciplined and corrected I should be worried because he corrects those he loves. He is definitely answering my prayers though! I’m definitely learning to depend on him and learning all the ways that I don’t. 

So to update you all on the current situation. I am feeling much better. By Sunday morning, I felt revived and refreshed. Natalee is still not well and they are not sure what is wrong. Her Mother, Roxanne Dukes, was by God’s grace and planning here with the Cross Roads team and was able to extend her trip to stay with us and take care of Natalee. We are all exhausted emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We need prayers for direction. We need prayers for the grace to trust the Lord with what we can’t control. We need prayers for strength. Thank you to all who have continually been walking this journey with me. I know I fall short. I’m learning that here in so many ways. Thank you for your grace in seeing me with the same eyes as our heavenly Father. 

Learning to Live

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog about how my kids had learned to live with much or little, referencing Philippians 4 as Christ was all they need. Thank goodness the Lord is teaching me not just through other’s examples but through personal experience. This might sound like a strange thankfulness, but how many get to experience God being all they need in the toughest of times. The times I’m calling tough really pale in comparison to others, but none the less my God is faithful and persistent in my life. 

Thursday night Natalee woke up with a high fever. From 2:30 that morning until tonight I have been fighting to figure out what the Lord’s purpose is for me here. She is sick. I’m sick. My flesh just longs for home. I long to feel the comfort and love of my family. I long for rest and American food and medicine that I know I can trust. I’m not normally a homesick individual, but these last few days have changed my mind. Tonight as I finally got a chance to consult the Lord in all of this he whispered in my heart to go read Psalms 23. I had just finished journaling asking the Lord to help me rely on him for strength, love, comfort, rest, and peace. When I finished pouring out my heart to the Lord I turned to the very familiar scripture. This whole summer the Lord has been continually speaking this verse over me. I couldn’t figure out why. Yes, it is poetic and beautiful but I’ve heard it time and time again. Haven’t you? I have grown numb to just the depth of what it means.

“The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have all that I need.

He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.

    He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honor to his name.

Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.

You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
    My cup overflows with blessings.

Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
    forever.”

This is why the Lord kept speaking it to my heart this summer. Every need, every desire within me, he is teaching me to let him fill. When I’m exhausted from a long day of work, or driving all over Uganda trying to find Doctors, he is my rest. When my heart is anxious over what the outcome of all of this will be, he is my peace. When I’m weak and weary from fighting off different African diseases, he is my strength. He walks closely with me when all is dark around me and I don’t know where to go. When I’m lonely, he comforts me. When I’m driving down the roads of Mukono, he protects me. When the enemy attacks and tells me I can’t do it, he prepares a feast for me in his word. When I need love, his follows me all the days of my life. 

So, yes, I’m so thankful and grateful to be learning this lesson. I’m learning to allow him to be all that I need in a way I never have before. I’ll try to keep you all posted on the health status of Natalee and myself, but until then just pray for the Lord to continually show both of us just how deep his love is. Pray that he would continually show us what it means to live. 

Beautiful Mornings

“I know that I can trust you. I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven. I give it all to you, God, trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me. There’s nothing I hold onto. I am so in love with you. There is no one else for me.” -Will Reagan

This morning the Lord reminded me and humbled be by his great power and glory. He is my rest. He is my strength. He guides my every step and leads me into all truth. He hears my cries and he answers. Even when my cries aren’t justified. Even when I am being selfish. He hears and answers and shows me. He is such a patient teacher. No matter how many times he has taught me a lesson, he will continue to show me until I understand in full. Glory upon glory he is revealing to me what he looks like, his nature, and as he reveals more I start to change into the perfected image of him I was created to be. He is making all things new. Trust. That is my lesson today. Trust in the creator, the maker, the healer, the comforter, the provider, the father, the lover, the friend. Trust in the one who knows far greater than I. So my prayer for today is keep teaching me, Lord. Keep showing me. Please, never loose patience with me for you are what makes my heart happy, you are what gives me life, you are all I need and don’t let me ever forget. 

I get to go to Jinja today and have wonderful fellowship with my dear friend Melissa Peterson. She has been working at camp Bluesky this summer in Kenya. The Lord is gracious in his timing. He knows what I need and when I need it. He knew I needed a day of encouragement, rest, and fellowship. How beautiful is the love of my Father. May he continue to use me as a humble servant this summer. My heart is so full of thanks right now. I’m most thankful though, for time I get to spend with the Lord. It is only when I have spent time before him on my knees that he is able to remind me his plans for today. He reminds me why he is working my life out the way he is. It never cease to make me realize my own humanity and silly worries.